[Beach, Risa] -- [Kirk and Kirk]

[kirktastic]

After Kirk left the cabin and sped off, he knew how restless he was. Too many thoughts buzzed in his head. Thoughts of Pher, thoughts of the possibility of Pher's Spock returning to get him or vengeance. How could he possibly make a choice in all of that?

Then... that meld. Spock agreeing to basically what boiled down to a cuddle between the three of them. Waking up with their hands touching. No, not just touching. He hadn't realized until several miles from the cabin that his hand was sore. They had been clutching. The red-golden thread that had stretched between himself and Spock.

He found himself wondering if something like that was between himself and Bones, and Bones and Spock.

Kirk stopped by the private cabin he shared with Bones only long enough to write his lover a note and look in on him. He wanted to slip into bed there, fall asleep against the other and let the worry stop for a while, but felt entirely too restless.



The dawn found him out on one of the beaches. He was sitting in his pants, shoes off and back by the cycle, sitting in the surf as it rolled in. His knees were pulled up and he was leaning back on his palms.

------------------------------------

Private Communication to James Kirk (other)

Soon as you're awake, feel free to come find me. My global position's attached.

Comments

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

((OOC - Sorry, took me awhile to read all that stuff so I knew where we were.))

The younger Jim, for whatever reason, wasn't too far from where Jim had ended up, and he headed there directly. There was a mix of emotions approaching the meeting: apprehension, at the awkwardness that was assured; worry about decisions which had been discussed and perhaps reached without his input, a very unnatural feeling for him; and gratitude that Jim had answered his message and agreed to see him.

He watched the younger man for a moment before closing the distance, seeing the rising sun lend a reddish glow to hair lighter than his own, noting the abandon of his posture and position in the surf. And then he removed his own shoes and stepped forward, taking his place beside Jim, close but with enough distance between them to make no assumptions.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

[OOC: Hope it was satisfactory? :3]

Kirk didn't look up from the sunset he was watching, but a tiny smile did touch his lips. "Penny for your thoughts?" He said quietly, barely heard over the surf. "Why don't you have a seat?" The surf came up, high enough to brush Kirk's thighs, up to his wrists on his hands that were digging into the wet sand.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

((OOC - Oh, quite! Very exciting. And I thought it was sunrise. ;) ))

Jim sat, mirroring Kirk's posture though it was unclear whether it was intent or habit. Where to start? He watched his companion silently for a moment, taking him in. He looked tired, and troubled and young, and for once Jim wondered what others saw when they looked at him.

"I'm not sure they're worth that much," he said. "So what do we start with? My relationship hangups or your conflict of opinion with my first officer?" One of these topics was, obviously, of far greater import. But both were necessary.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

[OOC: ...It is sunrise and I am clearly NOT awake yet. XD!!]

"Let's start with the bastard down in the brig, because though you probably knew it before me, I don't know what to do about the fact that he's got someone out there that'll know when he's dead. Who knows he's alive. I wasn't expecting that."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim sighed. As good a place as any. And certainly more immediately pressing. It certainly took priority in his own mind.

"I knew before you," he confirmed. "Spock shared the memory with me." Jim recalled his anger, similar to Kirk's, at the danger Spock had put himself in. At not telling him. "You were planning on killing him, weren't you?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"..I don't know if I've changed my mind." Kirk said honestly, "There's a lot that factors in. Right now, with that bond in place, and how your Spock reacted with Bones gone... I've got absolutely no doubt in my mind that the one from Pher's universe is going to do everything in his power to get here. That's the one constant I have."

Kirk sighed slightly, "So there's two choices. Pher lives, or he dies. Then each of those branches off.

If we keep him alive, his Spock could come here, guns blazing so to speak, and kill to get to his bond mate. Or he could come here, slip in and out.

If we kill him, Spock will definitely come in guns blazing, but we'll KNOW he will. Either he would have to be killed too, or we could figure out how to beam him right back or I dunno, something.

Alive, he's a danger to us if he got out through Spock or someone else. He probably knows the Enterprise better then I do."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim nodded through Kirk's recitation of the issues. "Those are all important factors," he said. "I well understand your position. The decision will be yours, as you know. But I would offer the reminder that the deliberate taking of life, whatever life, is no small decision. And has repercussions aside from the material. You have to pit the safety of your crew and maybe the universe against what that means to you. For me, there are always two, competing, big pictures."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...maybe its wrong, but to me? The safety of my ship and my crew comes as high as I can make it." Kirk's fingers clench, slightly. "Over me, too. Everyone seems to think that I'm making this choice lightly, like it means nothing. It does... it means a lot. Just..."

He finally looked over to his counterpart, "My crew and ship mean more."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"I know that," Jim said, with a quiet certainty that put paid to any notion that he was mollifying Kirk or taking any of this lightly. "Of course they do. Sometimes, we're given no choice. And sometimes, our choices come back to haunt us." He thought back on the Farragut, his Farragut, and mistakes he hadn't been able to forgive himself. And how he'd put his ship and his crew in danger because he couldn't find that forgiveness.

He looked out at the water, glimmering brighter with every moment the sun rose higher. It was beautiful here, though nature had been tamed and Jim felt a little out of place.

"I don't know if you want to hear my thoughts about such things. Maybe you share them already, and maybe it'll just sound like I'm telling you what to do. What do you need from me?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...I need to hear your thoughts." Kirk said very, very quietly. "You're me and not me, but with a lot more experience that I just don't have. I need... information. I have some from Spock, some from another Spock... now I need it from you. Even if its something I don't want to hear, at least when I make my choice, I can tell myself I made it with all of the information available."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim nodded, looking back at Kirk for a moment.

"I don't know about information," he said. "Spock has more of the facts. What I have is the conviction that our universes do not, cannot, operate as his does. That it is imperative to cling to that which sets us apart. I don't feel I have jurisdiction over life and death, except in self-defense. Not in my universe, and not in another's. It's... a problem for me to consider the execution of a man for acts he might commit. I realize that's not very helpful. But I know what I would do. And that I would be responsible for the consequences of those actions."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...the Spocks, yours, mine the one from this universe, they're drawn to him. I think because... because of that damn bond." Kirk let out a growl, then gestured, "Not yours, whatever you three have going on and I can't even believe I'm remotely a part in, that's good. Bond with Pike? Bad. As long as he's here... he'll be affecting them. And now... I'm worried because its obviously gotten strong since Spock melded with him. Maybe it'll carry even across universes."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

It wasn't that Jim wasn't worried about the same things. His Spock had kissed this man, bled for him, and Jim was well aware of the resonance of the bond.

"I think we've introduced some fairly unique consequences to Vulcan bonding," he said. "The resonance between you and my Spock, the link between alternate selves and their mates, probably hasn't been studied. Unless I'm incredibly ignorant of Vulcan history. And that does complicate things.

"But I trust him. Spock. And I would put forth that while the consequences of the bond may be negative for us, I'm not convinced it's bad for Pike and Spock in that universe. It might have kept Spock alive. I can't judge them as harshly as I judge the environment which made them. And until it directly endangers those here, I don't feel I have the right to condemn it."

The complications were palpable and overwhelming. his mind was still awash with visions of that other Spock, the life he had endured, what he must be going through now. Jim had done his best to alter that universe for the better, so clearly he was not against dictating terms. But he couldn't condemn the men for finding what peace they could in such a world. It was not their fault it had spilled over into this one.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...I don't condemn their world. I didn't even immediately condemn Pike. I thought... he was like a wolverine. Vicious, ruthless, mean - but it was his nature. He was doing what he had to. Even the mind meld... until I found out he didn't just block Spock from his mind, he attacked back. And now, this thing with your Spock..."

"You've met that other Spock. The one from his world." Kirk looked to Jim, searching for his eyes. "What does your intuition tell you? Would he come here, or work with us, or whatever needed to be done, to get Pike back and leave us alone? Or would he come here and either help or let Pike get revenge in some form or another? If we give the other side help... they have access to us. To beam to us, to beam one of us out possibly."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim was silent for a moment, troubled. His relationship with Spock complicated things, and he was still working out how much and how much it should. He needed to know he could separate emotion from duty.

"Revenge, for him, would be illogical. He's still Spock, but ruthless in his survival. And when I presented another alternative, a course more in line with the logic of our worlds, he listened. He seemed receptive to the idea that he could change things from within. No, I don't think he would seek revenge. Guns blazing isn't his style.

"What I cannot predict is Pike. I never knew him, you know. I mean my version. I can't say what he'd convince Spock of, with so much influence over him. I can't say what he'd want. I certainly don't want a revolving door between the universes; we only got back because the ion storm was still going and we had a narrow window and precise calculations. But if both sides need to work together, there is no door. We lock it once Pike is gone."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk went silent after that, looking back out over the water. The sun was lighting him up brilliant and gold. "You would wait until we get some form of contact from their universe - communication or person - and let Pike go back." He said in a quiet statement.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim looked at Kirk's profile for a moment, limned in light and beautiful. Then he looked back out over the water.

"I'd keep looking for a solution, but yes. And if none was forthcoming, no signal received... I don't know. Put Pike someplace he couldn't hurt anyone else, couldn't reach anyone. Maybe that's as good as a death sentence, but I'm not an executioner." And neither are you, he thought privately. "I'd like to believe he could be rehabilitated. But I think it's gone too far for that."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...Honestly, if my choices were between death and being locked away in a silent place for the rest of my life? I think I'd take my chances with Lady Death." Kirk shuddered. Being locked away forever sounded like his idea of hell.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"Then we differ in that," Jim said. "Oh, I agree with you, in part. Or rather, I might come to. But I've always clung to that cliche about life and hope. I don't know what happens after we die, but I do know that until then there's always an opportunity. Somewhere. And I didn't specify a deep dark dungeon. There are unmapped planets, far-flung star systems, places he could make a life for himself."

Alone. He left that unspoken. It was not ideal, no. But it was one of the options, among many less-than-ideal choices.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...I've been on one of those planets, Jim. Where there's nothing. It was as good as a prison cell." Kirk shivered for a moment. "We can't leave him somewhere. Someone could pick him up, our enemies or even one of our allies... who knows what he knows, what information he could offer, what he could do in the hands of someone that doesn't know who he is."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"I know," he sighed. He did. He understood the dangers. But a proud man like Pike... Jim found himself thinking about Khan. He'd made the decision he thought was just. And Khan had agreed to his plan, his appeal to Khan's love of challenge.

"Maybe we just haven't found the right incentive. Do we really know what he wants, even after all this?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"The right incentive for what? He's here, trapped here... the incentive to get out of there? To change over a new leaf? What are you thinking?" Confusion was on his features now.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim looked at Kirk now, watching him. "The incentive to become someone we don't feel tempted to eliminate," he said. "Right now, he is a prisoner. Anything he can do is better than where he is. He knows that. He also knows that it is likely he'll be executed--he'd long ago have done so to any of us, in his position. He knows there is no chance of him living freely among us. But what would he do, given some alternative?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...an alternative what?" Kirk shifted in the sand, the water curling around their feet. He just looked very confused. "I don't understand what you mean. If there's no chance of him living among us, because I sure as fuck wouldn't trust him enough to give him a chance to hurt someone... what alternative are you thinking about exactly?"

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim sighed.

"I don't know," he said, spreading his hands. "Our ancestors used to kill tigers and wolves and bears simply because human expansion had crowded them out of their hunting grounds. Both were only doing what came naturally to them, under incomprehensible circumstances. Both sides aiming for survival. We don't know what the Klingons will do. Or the Romulans. We suspect what they're capable of. And so we make treaties, we figure out what they want, and somehow try to live in the same universe.

"Pike's life is not mine to take. You need to decide if it's yours. That's the decision. And whatever it is, there are options, even if we haven't seen them yet."