[Kirk's Quarters] -- [Knock to Enter]

[kirktastic]

Kirk walked silently to his quarters with Spock, waiting for the doors to open before stepping inside. He gestured for Spock to come inside, and then just walked over to his desk. He sat down in the chair, not looking at his first officer. His entire body was throbbing, still on an adrenaline rush from hell. He had a feeling it was going to dissolve into a pounding headache.

Comments

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath. "...Maybe I was wrong. My intuition, I guess. It can't be perfect. You don't even give a shit about all of this." His fingers curl against the metal of the wall.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

"On the contrary, I do. Though the option is an impossibility, I wish to remain here. I care for this ship and its crew as much as yourself." He had to correct him. He didn't want to go through court martial, shame his family house (or what was left of it), ultimately having to pick between suicide or eternal failure for the rest of his life. But he had enough remaining sense to know that reality had come to that. "That is why I have suggested a suitable replacement."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...Dammit, I don't want a replacement. I want you as my first officer. That's why I picked you." He lifted his head, their eyes locking. "That's why I picked you. Because I know you care about this ship and crew even if you're good at hiding it. Because you were the one I trusted at my back on the Narada. But what am I supposed to do when you don't trust me? Or don't believe I'm a good captain? Or whatever reason is going through your head about not telling me things I'm supposed to know!?"

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

"...I did intend to relay to you her presence, unlike the incident in the brig." It made him uncomfortable even referring to it. "While it is no excuse, the Klingon incident did postpone that communication. It has nothing to do with your ability, or my trust in you."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...how am I supposed to trust you with that, Spock?" Kirk's voice dropped, his eyes serious. "...I need to trust you. We have to, to do this together. Give me a reason to trust you, no bullshit."

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

There was a visible hesitation in his eyes, and he said nothing for a long moment. There wasn't anything strong he could say to this, no past heroics that would prove he would take a lethal hit for him (though he would, no mistake). This thing, this trust between them, was built on faith and one unrepeatable galactic adventure.

Then, quietly, "I have not fled from you, or wiped the memory of this encounter from your mind, though both would be comparatively easier than this." He was standing here against the wall, trapped between it and his captain, going through the painfully slow demise of his career second by second--for Jim. The anger, the annoyance, the betrayal--it needed to get out, and Spock would rather take all of it than let it taint any other aspect of this ship.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

A slow breath out, and Kirk closed his eyes. There was only silence in the room for what seemed like an eternity. Kirk searched inside of himself, testing those words, the knowledge he had from the other Spock and Prime, testing his own intuition, perhaps.

Then, slowly, he smiled. He lifted his head, their eyes meeting again, and he leaned back. "Well, then. You've told me about our intruder, she's not causing harm since there haven't been any warnings. So this time, I guess you were right. How about... not doing this in the future?"

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

He had just enough room to take a breath. He didn't even really believe it: Jim's mercy, a second time, his ability to just forgive this, to--smile, of all things, after this. If Spock were human, he'd indulge in some nervous laughter, because there was no other way to respond to it. Being half-Vulcan, he just blinked at him in mild confusion, before a slow nod. "I shall endeavour to be more honest with you."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk shook his head a little and stepped back. "...Good. I have stuff to talk to you about... too much random Vulcan in the last few days. T'hyla and katra and the fact that I fucking need to learn to keep people out of my head. But... it can wait until later. Fucking tired." A weaker smile, not even realizing what he had said.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

Spock stepped forward, off the wall. In his amazement that he was, again, not in the brig, he didn't have enough shock left to question how Jim knew those words at all--words he shouldn't have possibly known. He looked at the door, and then glanced back at him. "I do not want to break your locking mechanism, Jim."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

It took Kirk just a second before he laughed, "Right. Doors, unlock. Good night, Spock."

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

"Good night." Sincere; the least the man deserved was a full night's sleep, after all of this. Spock stepped outside the room and returned to his quarters.