[Cain and Abel] -- [Bones/Kirk] -- [Sam and Kirk]

[kirktastic]

Bones and Jim left the Captain's office soon after the surprise meeting with Emma and David. From the moment the older pair left the office Bones hadn't spoken, just nodded in response to Jim's suggestion that they return to their room. They were both quiet in the turbolift, and made it inside their room before either man uttered a word.

Bones headed over to the bed and flopped down face forward. He grabbed a pillow and pulled it under his head, wrapping his arms around it. Jim stood just inside the closing door and unlike his usual self, had no idea what to do or say. Jim could remember that night long ago when Bones had reeked of cheap bourbon and cigarettes and wept a few hot tears. It was the only time Jim could remember Bones ever having cried in his presence. Looking back, it had been heartbreaking and awkward and it hadn't gotten any better since.

Jim walked across the room and sat on the edge of the bed, slid his hand across Bones' back and remembered making the same clumsy gesture in the dark of their dorm room. The difference was this time it didn't feel awkward to let his hand curl under Bones' opposite side and lay down beside him. The words didn't come any easier, they stayed lodged somewhere between his heart and his mind so instead he let his actions speak for him. His lips found the back of Bones' neck, just where the tiny sensitive hairs ended and the skin of his back began. A silent gesture that said I'm here.

Bones shivered at the touch, turning into Jim's arms and pulling him close. He buried his face in Jim's neck, unconsciously rocking a little in his arms as they held each other. Eventually he let out a deep sigh. "I don't know, Jim. I just don't know anymore."

Jim nodded as much as the space between his chin and the top of Bones' head would allow. His voice was barely a murmur as he said, "I know." After a small silence, Jim followed up with, "I took you off shift for the rest of the night."

His hands finding the small of Jim's back, Bones grunted a soft "Thanks," and pulled Jim even closer still. "My dad's alive," he whispered into the side of Jim's head. "Both of them are here. I just don't know what to think."

"No one expects you to know what to think. It's not like ever been a report of people coming back from the dead before. I think this is one of those things that you just have to take one day at a time. At least you and your dad went out on good terms." Jim could remember though, what Bones had said that drunken night. Something about his dad -... fucked that up to. Jim's next words were a little more cautious, as he added, "...at least as far as I know. You never did tell me what happened between you two."

Bones slid a hand up to thread in Jim's hair as his body stiffened. Fingers tightened on the hem of Jim's shirt as Bones finally spoke. "I killed him."

What? Jim quickly started to calculate and came up with that Bones had to have been somewhere between 26 and 28 when his dad had died. "W-what do you mean, you killed him?" Despite Bones' sometimes gruff manner, and his affinity for hypos and the painful application of them, Bones was the last person Jim would have pegged to be a potential killer. Hadn't he said something like that just the other day?

The voice Bones used was surprisingly calm, talking as if he were relating some story. "He was sick. Dying, really. Didn't want him to suffer, so..." A long shuddering sigh escaped as he relaxed a little in Jim's arms. "So one afternoon I said good-bye and filled him full of cyalodin. Stopped his heart."

"So you stopped your dad from suffering, by killing a man who was already dying anyway? Isn't that the point of what doctors do, they ease people's suffering?" Even as the words left his mouth, Jim realized the words didn't sound as sympathetic as he had meant them. "Um- I mean, did he ask you to do it, or did you decide on your own?"

"He asked me to do it," Bones answered, in that same strange voice.

"So you carried out his final wish?" Jim said, a little confused. Then he felt Bones begin to shake, heard his breath hitching, and before he knew what was happening he heard Bones let out a soft sob and Jim felt something wet against his neck.

Oh fuck. I made him cry. Jim wrapped his arms around Bones, not making mention of it at all. He knew if he started to cry in front of Bones, he wouldn't want Bones to make a big deal of it either. Instead, he closed his eyes, pressed his lips against the top of Bones' head, and let him get it out.

It was several minutes before Bones let go of the tight grip he had on Jim. After a while, though, he got and headed into the bathroom. Jim could hear the water turn on, and Bones blowing his nose. Soon he returned back to the bed and sat down with a sigh next to Jim. "...sorry 'bout that," he said, sniffing as he nudged Jim's knee with his own and looked embarrassed.

"Don't worry 'bout it." Jim gave Bones a little smile. He reached over and gave Bones' knee a small squeeze, not a whole lot more needed to be said between them. He looked at Bones, and not wanting to make this any worse than it already was, Jim decided to change the subject. "Before Emma and David showed up I was getting kinda hungry. Want me to bring you back something?" he asked, thinking Bones might need a little time to himself.

A slow nod from Bones' direction. "Yeah," he said quietly, looking over at Jim, his eyes still a little red and swollen. "Just some soup or something, nothing big." He returned the smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Thanks, Jim. For everything."

Jim turned to Bones and leaned in close. Cupping his cheek with one hand, he ran his thumb gently under Bones' eye, as if wiping away a lingering tear. "Sure thing. I'll be back before you know it." He watched as Bones lay back down, arms wrapped around a pillow, Jim felt his heart pound in his chest. What else did the world have in store for Bones? Why did it seem to get some gleeful pleasure out of making him suffer over and over again?

Those were the thoughts that plagued Jim as he left the quarters he shared with Bones. The thoughts followed him as he made his way down toward the mess hall. Over the last few months it seemed that Bones could not catch a break.

All of those thoughts must have been on his face as he walked down the hall, but all of them seemed to vanish the moment that Sam came into view.

Comments

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim licked his lips, and nodded once, "Yea. Your quarters are closer." Bones' old room.

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

The whole way to Sam's quarters, it felt as if Jim were following him, watching him. The hair on the back of his neck stood. He didn't even attempt to make small talk on the walk.

Sam opened the door to his quarters, but sensing that Jim wasn't in the mood for politeness, Sam went into his quarters ahead of Jim. He stood around awkwardly and waited to see where Jim would sit.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, Jim Kirk just didn't think. This was one of those times. He started to walk past Sam, and felt that anger bubble up inside of him hot and burning. It seared away everything else in his head, the thought that Sam had been perpetuating this thing with Bones all this time...

He turned on his heel and slugged Sam not-so-neatly in the jaw, as hard as he could, an outburst of everything he was feeling inside.

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

At first, Sam wasn't sure of what had happened. Chalk it up to shock, or him actually being that stupid.

When it did, he staggered back and and brought a hand up to touch his jaw. It didn't feel broken and moving it only made it more sore.

"What the fuck was that?" Sam asked, keeping his voice as level as he could.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"What the fuck was that?!" Kirk snarled the words, anger in his eyes, "What the fuck are you doing with Bones?? That's what I'd like to know!"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"Nothing for you to fucking punch me over!" Sam yelled.

Why hadn't McCoy warned him? Why the fuck was Jimmy so mad about this when he spent half his time screwing people on the ship who weren't Leonard McCoy.

"We've kissed. So fucking what?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kissed? Kirk hadn't known about that at all. He hadn't known they had gone that far. He saw nothing but a brilliant red for several moments, almost shaking with it. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He whispered, blank despite the expression on his face. Dangerous. "Why the fuck are you going after Bones?"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

Feeling brave in the anger and stupidity welling up inside himself, Sam stepped closer to Jim. "I'm not fucking going after him. It just happened, okay?" Sam drew closer to Jim with each word, until he was in his brother's face. "Besides, why would you care? You're fucking around on him."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

The red over came everything else. Jim's fist slammed into Sam's stomach, while his other one went for the jaw. He didn't give him a second's rest, his knee coming up for his side. What the fuck did Sam know? What the fuck did he think he know?! "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

Jim got his wish, as the knee to Sam's side had knocked the wind out of him. Sam dropped to the floor to catch his breath. He could hear himself wheezing and knew he should probably stop. Walk away or, rather, limp away from Jim, but knew he wouldn't.

He wasn't going to throw any punches back at his brother. No matter his anger or frustration, he couldn't do it.

"When did you become such a fucking brat?" Sam wheezed. "Can't even fucking think of the words to scream at me, so you've gotta kick the shit out of me instead."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"What do you fucking care?!" Snarled, "Not like you ever gave a shit about me." He stepped back, fists at his side, "That why you decided of all 1200 people on this ship you'd go after Bones?!"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"I fucked up. I fucked up a whole lot. You're my brother--I spent most of my childhood raising you. You can't fucking say that I never gave a shit about you." Sam hissed. The pain as he breathed seemed to suggest that Jim had cracked at least one of his ribs. "I didn't decide to go after him. I was there, he was there... maybe if you gave him more attention, he wouldn't have kissed me first."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that Bones had kissed Sam first. He didn't want to believe it was because he didn't pay enough attention to Bones did he? He let out a shaking breath, "You never came looking for me. All those years... you pissed that I'm doing well now? That why you're kissing him back?!"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"I never came looking for you because I'm a pathetic lowlife. I didn't want to fuck up your life by dragging you in to mine." Sam struggled to stand up again. His body told him to stay down, but his pride was stronger. "This should prove it."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

What?! "The fuck?! How is this proving anything except that you are pathetic!?"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

His thoughts were swimming in his head and it took him a moment to reorganize them so he could speak. "That's what I fucking meant. This proves what a piece of shit I am."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Well, pissed as he was, he couldn't disagree with that. "...what the fuck, Sam? You could have anything... you knew we were together. Just because you don't fucking understand what we have going doesn't mean you take advantage!"

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"I didn't reciprocate because it was him or because he means something to you," Sam muttered. "From looking at you, it doesn't look like together means anything to you. You're fucking around on him. Why can't I even fucking kiss him?"

Sam winced at the pain, but was finally able to stand up straight again.

"If you want me to tell him 'no', you just have to say it."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Tell. him. no." Kirk whispered. His eyes closed as it felt like so much of the fight drained from him. "...Why, Sam? Why Bones? ...Why..." He just didn't understand. "Fuck, don't you dare ever, ever say that being with Bones doesn't mean anything to me. He means..." Everything.

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"Because," Sam said. "We get along... Talking with him--just being with him feels right."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim sat down hard on the edge of the bed, looking tiredly at Sam. He could already see livid bruises on Sam's skin. ..He didn't feel any better, either, just drained. "Sex is sex," The familiar phrase, "It isn't l-" Fuck, "love. Never is, never will be. It can involve that, does with Bones, but with other people, no. He knows," Doesn't understand though, "That 'bout me and always has."

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"He's old fashioned. Sex isn't just sex to him."

Sam didn't dare sit on the bed, so he leaned against the wall across from where Jim sat.

"A lot of people have trouble disconnecting sex from love."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"You don't think it's something we try to deal with?" Jim snapped, "course we do. If that's the worst thing that ever comes between us? I consider us a fucking perfect couple." Far. From.

[dreadpiratekirk.livejournal.com]

"I'm not judging you... but that's something big."

Sitting down would have felt extremely good, but Sam didn't want to appear weak.

"Is it just because he can't move beyond 'sex and love' that you're pissed? If he was like you, would you feel the same?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I don't know how to fucking answer that," Jim turned a dark look at his brother, "No shit its big. We're trying. I'm pissed cuz he doesn't just wanna have sex with you! He can't separate love and sex!"