[A Stupid Hot Mess] -- [Kirk and Bones]

[kirktastic]

After the communication with Bones, Kirk already knew this was going to not go well. He had left a last note to Bones, giving him the location of a small lounge near the residential area. It was supposed to be for ambassadors, but hell, he was Captain. He could use it, and he could lock it down.

He also knew the replicator had access to the alcoholic menu.

He flopped down with a grunt into a heavily padded chair and closed his eyes. His left hand was throbbing slowly in time with his heart beat, and he told it to leave him alone. This was the absolute last thing he ever wanted to be doing.

And Bones was forcing him to. Fuck.

Comments

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"He's... what I might have become. Or still could, I don't know." Kirk closed his eyes, "He's been a captain for a while now, has the respect of his crew..."

He sunk down, "And now I'm disappointing him."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"He's not the captain of this ship. You are. And you're doing a fucking good job." Bones twisted his body to face Kirk. "I don't care who he is, he's not you. Right here, right now, you're Jim Kirk, captain of this damn ship. Decisions gonna be yours, no questions about it, and fuck whoever's disappointed in you."

He took a deep breath. "Now you just need to make sure that the decision you make is the right one, the responsible one."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"That's why... I want to call the meeting." Kirk admitted quietly, "I know Spock and Jim are going to disagree with me... even if I don't understand them. What if others agree with them? ...Spock, Uhura... I trust my crew. I..."

His head slumped.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones considered his answer for a long time before speaking. "If it were me, I might have to reconsider why I think I'm right, why I think my decision is the correct one. Doesn't mean you're wrong, just because you're the only one who feels that way. But it would give me pause."

He reached up and touched Kirk's face. "That's why you've got the crew, to rely on for things like this. So it doesn't have to just be you making the decision, so that there are many voices at the table to listen to, give you options. To make you a better captain."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"S'why I'm holding the meeting." Kirk leaned into that house, sighing. He was so tired, like this was just draining the energy from him.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"It's a good idea," Bones murmured, leaning back, then standing up, "and I need a drink. You want something?" he asked, heading toward the other side of the room, opening cabinets, looking for something.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Replicator's capable of alcohol." Kirk informed, sighing. "Honestly ... just anything. A little bit." He stared at the ceiling.

"Did you get interviewed by Green?"

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones stopped, turned and stared at Kirk. "Replicated alcohol?" he scoffed, shaking his head. "Sometimes I don't think I know you at all..." he murmured, searching until he found a bottle of something clear. "They always have stuff like this in these lounges," he said, bringing the bottle and two glasses.

Bones sat across from Kirk again. "Yeah, we talked," Bones told him, filling the glasses. "Not sure we actually said much," he added, handing a glass to Kirk.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk laughed a little with Bones' look, grabbing the glass and sniffing it before tossing some of it back. "...He forced me to meet with him. Had to reschedule the whole day to fit it in but he was pulling the bullshit card out of his ass."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"What did he want to know?" Bones asked, sipping his own drink slower. "You know he came in on the same shuttle as my mother?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Your mom mentioned it." Kirk shrugged a little, "He seems... too good. Too understanding. I can't figure out what's his deal... he wants to know something I can't put my finger on."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"It's gonna be fucking hard for him to discount the strange shit when it happened to him personally... we got that going for us at least." Bones took another drink and sighed.

"But I know what you mean. I'd trust him more if he seemed more menacing, which sounds fucked up, but..." He shrugged.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I don't think he can deny that it is happening, but he can dislike how I'm handling it. Or how I'm handling Nero, or something else." Kirk pointed out, "And you're right. I'd feel like he was more on the straight and Starfleet if he was more menacing."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"I don't like him talking to the others," Bones added. "You know, like your dad and Sam, and John... fuck, Joanna. That's not gonna be good. She's got a world of hurt going on inside her, and she won't get it out." Bones snorted. "Wonder who that sounds like," he nudged at Kirk with his foot.

His face fell a little. "You ever hear the audio-recording from her shuttle? The one where we died?" Bones shook his head. "Fuckin' eerie. Almost wish I could unhear it, you know, but it explains a lot of what she's going through."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Mm, I wonder who." Kirk gave him a look back, as Bones was no different. He blinked though with that, "The what? ...No, I haven't. I tried talking to her over lunch but..." He frowned, clearly uncomfortable. "It was fucking weird."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"She looks at me sometimes, and I feel... inadequate, you know? Like I'm wearing some costume of someone she loved, but I'm not him. Don't have those memories, those experiences she had. I know its gotta be the same for you, maybe even harder for you cause she sees you like me, like her parent and I know you don't..." Bones just left it at that.

He finished his drink, put the glass down and refilled it, "Took us a lot longer in her universe to finally- get together. Just... strange." Leaning back in his chair, he chewed on his lip and thought, his mind jumping from one topic to another. "Christmas gonna be different this year," he said suddenly, a definite somber note in his voice.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

There was a very definitely feeling of a twitch that came from Kirk. "...yea." His voice was tight in sudden realization. They couldn't do what they normally did. There would be no hiding in the depths of the wilderness, their camping equipment that had grown in the course of three years, coming back after the new year where they celebrated by climbing the mountain with a good bottle of liquor and watching fireworks in the distance from that amazing height...

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"I haven't bought stuff for anyone besides Jo in years," Bones said. "I can't believe I hadn't - fuck, I guess I gotta get on that." It wasn't hard to decipher the look on Kirk's face. Bones didn't like Christmas because it reminded him of all that he had once had and let slip away. But Kirk hated the holidays and everything about them.

"You gonna want to do something this year with your dad and Sam?" Bones asked curiously. It would be hard as hell to run away and avoid everyone on a starship.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...no." His voice, if it was even possible, grew tighter. "I'll just lock up in my quarters or something for the day." It was hard to sound more unhappy and blank at exactly the same time.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"Can I keep you company?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Would I ever say no? It's tradition." Kirk chuckled a little, "Little different I guess, though. Can't... get away from it all."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah... thought we had one more big trip in us before heading up here. Wanted to go back to that place in Mexico, the one near that big lake."

Camping and fishing and sleeping under the stars and not seeing another soul for miles and miles... it might not have been everyone's ideal way of spending the holidays, but it was perfect for them.

"Funny how things change in a year." Bones gave him a measured glance, a hint of a smile. "Some good changes too, though."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

He had a feeling he knew what Bones meant by that bit of a cryptic last statement. "Definitely." He agreed as he started to play with edge of his seat. "Man, I would have loved to have gone back there. We just got those collapsible fishing rods last year that would have been perfect."

They had learned how to gut and cook fish on their second Christmas together, after an attempt on the first one had gone... less then well.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"Another time," Bones promised with a grin. Those were nice fishing rods, and they'd needed new ones after that 'incident' with the first set they bought. "Got the stuff packed up somewhere. Might find a warm place to camp out somewhere out there in the void, you never know."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I'd go in a heartbeat." Kirk admitted with a small sigh. "Gonna miss being able to do it." He looked upwards, "But we'll be able to go again when we're done our five year."