[Rifts in the Boredom of Forced Sick Leave] -- [Open]

[kirktastic]

Things had gone... interestingly the night of the party. The small memory put a smile to Kirk's face, despite his complete boredom and annoyance at still being trapped in his room. He could leave, he could walk around, but there was nothing he could do. Damn CMO's orders.

Even if, you know, he was sleeping with said CMO.

There was still a lot to be done, and damn if he was just going to sit back while it happened. Which had led him to sitting on his bed, naked from the waist up, leaning over a padd as he tried to figure out the exact time not one but two people had evidently gone missing from his god damn ship.

And getting no where fast expect to a headache.

Comments

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim's expression was decidedly thoughtful. No flippancy, he regarded the question seriously.

"You know," he mused, "I would have thought so. If you'd asked me before. The weirdest part, for me, has been the fact that it's much less weird than I would have expected. And I wonder what that means, only... I don't feel violated. I don't feel like he's in there, rifling through my every thought. No more than he was before, and we were good at reading each other even before this... And it should bug me, you know? But it doesn't. I think, maybe, it's that... he's been there for so long, it's almost an extension of what we were before. Not new at all. Just more... complete."

He ducked his head a little, surprised at the mini-speech.

"Sorry. I've crossed over into sappy, haven't I?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Nah." Kirk soothed, grinning a little, "Maybe the idea isn't as weird for you because you knew him so long. How many years was it, again?" The idea of being together, as captain and first officer, was sort of heart-warming in a strange way because Kirk just couldn't imagine having any relationship that long.

...Well, until he met Bones.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim laughed. "Not as long as you might think," he said. "Three, four years? But things are different, out here. You'll know what I mean in a bit--you're not entirely isolated, and there are a lot of people on the ship, but relationships... There's an accelerated timeline, a sense of intensity, from being thrown together and depending on one another. Like old war stories, though maybe not quite that intense. Maybe that's why I'm so quick to form them. But Spock... I can't imagine being without him, or Bones, now."

There was more to it than that, of course. More to Jim's propensity to reach out and accept people, that had been well formed before assuming command. But it was likely a factor.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I can't imagine being without Bones." Kirk could agree to that, pulling a knee up to his chest and wrapping his arms around it. He flexed his left hand, but the movement seemed stiff even though the hand looked fine. "Three years and some odd months I've known him... had to put all my trust in him the second time we ever met."

His smile was warm, "He's the whole reason I'm here, and maybe the Earth's even here now."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim smiled.

"There are worse reasons," he said. "And worse people to put your trust in." He paused. "You're looking good."

Which brought them closer to a point, though the bullshitting was also pointful, as far as re-connecting went.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk really didn't want to talk about this, but knew it was coming. "...Depends on the definition." He said in an uncaring tone that was anything but.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"Or the scale one's measuring by," Jim clarified. "I can pretend nothing's changed, Jim, that none of this ever happened and Spock's here with me and that we never had a disagreement. Part of me wants nothing more. But most of me knows that that won't help you. We can do this later, but at some point you're going to need to be the captain again."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk just gave Jim a long look, "I want to be captain again, don't get me wrong." He rubbed one hand against the back of the other. Vulcan. The faint raised lines that spoke of scars were like braille for the blind. The ships trickled up his arm, swirling together, black. The other side was the enemy before the enemy became so.

"I don't do the whole 'pretend this never happened' unless it was bad sex."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim laughed, but it was a little strained despite his genuine amusement. "I want us to be able to talk," he said. "We're good at the... not talking. Nonverbal communication, we've got down. But you need more than that. And I think you need something your Bones and your Spock might not be giving you. Not because they lack anything, but because none of us have been in a situation like this before. And because... I guess because I want to be whatever I can for you."

He looked at Jim searchingly, remembering that dream, remembering that sense of Jim being within him, part of him. He couldn't forget that. And there was too much at stake to let them avoid subjects that might be touchy.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"....Bones and I have... a nonverbal agreement, in a lot of ways. We don't push each other to open up. Kind of a safe haven from people bothering us about things." He shrugged his shoulder. "Spock and I don't talk about that sort of stuff at all."

No, but we did... He smirked at the rest of that thought.

"What do you want to talk about, exactly?"

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim hesitated.

"That depends," he said finally. "Am I bothering you?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Not bothering." Kirk looked away slightly, wondering how to say it, "Just.. just the topic does."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim shrugged. "I'm not asking you to talk about your feelings unless you want to," he said. "But the fact remains there are things going on here you need to know about. And I want... what we share to be strong enough to handle that."

He knew it was. It had to be. They were connected, in a way that wasn't his imagination.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"Then talk to me, Jim." Kirk stated bluntly, frowning a little towards his counterpart. "I can handle anything you need to throw at me. If I handle it in a way you don't agree with well... that's to be said later."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

That got him a little smile. "I know you can," he said. "Fine. I don't know what Spock's told you, but my Spock isn't on board. He's on the Narada. He... made a trade with her--with her sentient being, who is now partly manifest on the Enterprise."

It was blunt, but there was no easy way to say this. Jim watched Kirk's face carefully.

"Did you know?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

What.

WHAT?

WHAT?

Kirk jerked upright and stared at Jim in horror for a second. "You guys let him go back over there. With the two who... Why!?" He choked, "And there's a part of..."

He looked away, trying to get his head around it. "Jim, start explaining."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim took a deep breath, his hand instinctively reaching for any part of Kirk he could touch--but he dropped it without making contact. He'd had a few days to get... well, if not used to the idea, resigned to it.

"I didn't let anyone," he said, some little bitterness coming through in his tone that he had not allowed anyone else to hear. "I returned from a meeting with Acting Captain Spock about the results of the rescue mission to find Spock gone, a note bidding me not to worry and what appeared to be a young Romulan girl in his place. Narada requested his assistance. Spock accepted. Without consulting me. With shields up and neither the Narada nor Spock wishing his return, I felt I had little choice but to respect his instincts."

It was clear that despite his resignation, Jim did not take any of this lightly.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk pulled his other knee up and he closed his eyes. He looked... surprisingly younger like that. Defiant. "Are they still out there, Jim? Right outside our damn ship, with better shielding and weaponry? Why... Why are we putting more people at risk?"

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"That's not my call, and you know it," Jim said, watching Kirk. "I asked Spock not to act hastily, because it was the Narada who saved us, who saved you, and the Narada has my Spock. Her master is in pain and Narada's priority is his healing. She's a new life form and she's learning and growing every day. Into what, I don't know. But she has offered none of us harm since we discovered her capacity for free will."


[[OOC - Frankly, I've no idea where we are or why. ;) ]]

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...I..." Kirk looked to Jim in silence, and whispered, "They don't deserve to live. Nero, Ayel... what they've done? How can you say one.. two lives are worth the billions they destroyed? The Narada, even if it was just following orders, wouldn't not fight for their lives."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"That's not my call either," Jim said. "Who deserves to live or not. But it's not the right question, either. Who's measuring worth? Will killing them now, in cold blood, bring back Vulcan? Bring them to justice, by all means, Jim. If they resist, you must do as you must. But Narada's complicated all that. And she, at least, is both not to blame for their crimes and far more powerful than she was before. Equal and opposite complications--both reasons to tread carefully."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk gestured downward with a finger, "Killing them brings them to justice. It makes sure that they never hurt another person with that very ship you're determined to save. But she'll try to save them."

His eyes were narrowed, serious, determined. He saw no reason for leaving them alive. He believed in the worth of life, but what good would keeping them alive do? Leave them a chance to hurt more people? Get revenge on Earth, Starfleet, or someone else? Would Nero ever stop hunting him, his ship, or Spock? What about New Vulcan?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Something cold, perhaps with tentacles, gripped Jim's heart. Kirk couldn't mean it. Not really. But he was serious, that much was clear.

"Here is what I am determined to do, if you're interested," he said. "One: Uphold and protect the values of the Federation and Starfleet. Two: Allow the phenomenon of new life to develop and prove itself before acting as jury and executioner--see number one. And three: ensure Spock's safe return. I don't trust the Narada, Jim. I don't blindly believe she's benign. But I do trust that Spock would not willingly enter into immediate danger without a damn good reason. And in my interactions with her, I have come to trust that she is eager to learn that which will help her crew. And she is malleable. She's capable of more than blind obedience, as she's shown. And that makes her both more dangerous and someone with whom it's possible to negotiate. We're out-shielded and out-gunned as it is. And they have Spock. My best weapon has, thus far, been to show her know exactly what we stand for. In the hopes that some of it will rub off."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim's speech pulled a growl from Kirk that he wouldn't have let fall in more formal circumstances. Instead, Kirk unwound from himself, staring Jim in the face, "Are you even listening to what I'm saying, Jim? The ship's a ship. I trust you and Spock in your idea that she's somehow recently gained sentience, though how much I really believe she would tell the truth about that is another question."

He gestured with a hand, scowling, "I care less about her newly gained sentience as I care about her masters. Them I want brought to justice. What I'm saying is that I'm not trying to play jury and executioner on her, but on her masters. Think about it realistically though. If we try to do anything to her masters, what is she going to do? She's going to defend them, which means people on our side could die. I don't see how they can be dealt with without her defending them and needing to be taken care of to. By taken care of, I don't necessarily mean destroying her, but it would stop any chance of her being benign. If we could do this somehow where Nero and Ayel are dealt with and the Narada remained alive and not trying to hunt us down? Then I'm all for it."

He licked his lips, anger bubbling in him, "I'm not going to spare them because of her, Jim. I love how you, and Spock, see to value her existence over everything else that's happened." He held up a finger sharply, "Even if you don't, you have no idea how much you're portraying that to me."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

"I am thinking about this realistically," Jim said, his voice tight. "You said it yourself--if you try anything, what will she do? What are your options? Can you surprise her, get Spock off the ship, and take her down?"

He fidgeted, rising.

"What will you tell Starfleet? Are you prepared for the investigation? Can you defend your actions on a purely unemotional level? You say I'm valuing her existence over your situation. You're wrong. What I'm valuing is my conviction that you're not a murderer. That your need for revenge isn't going to dictate your actions."

There. He'd said it. The gulf spread between them, but it was not one Jim was willing to scale. He had killed. He had made these calls himself. But always in the immediate interests of protection. Never as a summary judgment. That was for the Federation--and specifically the people of Vulcan--to work through.