[Sometimes Alone, Sometimes Never] - [Kirk and ???]

[kirktastic]

Kirk walked silently from the party, his stomach churning violently. He didn't stop at anything, not even quiet comments in the hall directed towards him. He walked straight towards the bridge, needing it in a way he didn't even fully realize himself. It was his place to center himself.

When he got up to the bridge, there were only two people there. One who was keeping track of space around them and making sure their orbit stayed steady, and the other was on the communications console, looking bored. He gave a thin smile to both, "At ease, if you would." He gave a gesture with his head, "Fifteen minutes, please."

They got the clue at least, and within the minute, the bridge was his. Alone, silent except for the beeping of the consoles around him. Kirk took a long, deep breath and walked across the bridge, fingers caressing as he went along chairs and consoles until he sat down in his chair.

God dammit, his ass groove felt off.

After a few squirms, Kirk settled down into the faux leather and closed his eyes. It felt like being home. This was his home, now. This ship, this bridge, this seat. He let himself just... sit. Breathe.

When he felt himself relax, almost half asleep, he realized something he had to do. "Computer. Last known date and time when Yeoman Harold Lee was aboard this ship."

"Last known scan of Yeoman Harold Lee - One week, two days, sixteen hours, and forty-two minutes."

Kirk's heart fucking stopped in his chest. He knew it wasn't keeping exact track of any one person on the ship so that number wasn't quite right but... but... How could someone have been off the ship for so long and no one noticed!?

He dropped his head into his hands and let out a small sound. Because of me. They were so worried about George and me that no one even noticed.

"Computer. At my location, give me a list of all transports on or off the ship in the last two weeks." It took only moments to bring up things he already knew, and a few he didn't, but none of them were unknown to the ship or had been marked as safe. (Another one to the Narada... he hated it.)

Harold Lee had not been beamed off this ship, but wasn't on it anymore. "Fuck." He whispered, leaning back in the chair, trying to think. Harold was from another universe to begin with... could he have ended up back there? Could Harold still have his padd? Would sending a message work? So, Kirk gave it a shot. it wasn't a huge surprise when within seconds he received a message saying the padd was unreachable.

...Harold, be okay. Fuck. If he wasn't beamed off, and a quick check said no shuttles had come or gone except Ephram Green's... there seemed little other reason. Fuck. He needed to talk to Spock about this...

Spock. Fuck. Another thing he didn't know how to deal with.

The other Spock was dealing with Nero and the Narada... Bones had his mother and daughter to deal with...

Kirk opened his eyes and looked around the empty bridge, and winced. This was home, but right now, he couldn't be here.

"I'm sorry." He whispered to no one, feeling frustrated. He gave a loving stroke over the armrest of his chair, then left the bridge entirely. In the morning, he could deal with everything, including Harold, including Spock, including Bones.

Wasn't this party supposed to have been restful and fun, or something similar?

Kirk went up to his room, stripped down, tugged the mask off, and just fell face forward into his bed. Just want to sleep.

Comments

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones left his mother's room (http://emma-mccoy.livejournal.com/5049.html) and headed back to his room, ready to end the evening with Kirk, maybe a little fun with the wings.

But as he walked into their room, lights darkened, he spotted Kirk laying face down, snoring. Bones walked over to him, sat down on the far edge of the bed and began shucking his costume, leaving the wings on the floor next to his sandals. He was tired, the alcohol starting to catch up with him, and more than anything he wanted a shower to get rid of the blond shit in his hair, and to curl up next to Kirk all night long, sleeping in late tomorrow.

Giving sleeping Kirk a kiss on the cheek, he headed toward the bathroom for a long, hot shower.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

Despite the fact he was still...pleased, from earlier, and Nyota was with him, something still settled at the back of his mind. Not precisely anxiety, that was illogical...but Jim was always so unpredictable. Anything was likely to happen once they met again. His usual approach to foretelling events was useless here.

Spock stepped in front of the doors, let his eyes briefly move over the name tag beside the door before he reached out to press the buzzer. In his other hand, he held Nyota's, fingers interlaced with hers.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Bzzzzz.

Bzzzzz.

Kirk's head slowly lifted his head from the bed, and he glared death at the door. He stood up sluggishly, his head throbbing. Fuck, he felt awful. Carefully he walked to the door, taking each step with care. He leaned on the comm with his forehead.

"What?"

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

"If you are willing to entertain our company, Jim, Nyota and I want to discuss some topics with you." His tone remained calm, his hand steady. While Spock gave him the opportunity to decline, as was polite, he hoped that Kirk wouldn't take advantage of it.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk stared at the comm for a long moment, then stepped back as he rubbed a hand over his face. "Open door." He muttered, staring unsurely as if he didn't believe it was them.

Well, fuck. It was. He looked between Spock and Uhura, feeling something in his gut tightening up. "...come in."

[just-uhura.livejournal.com]

Until then Nyota had fallen silent, allowing Spock to lead her while she attempted to think about this with the same methodical detachment that he applied to much of his work. She tried to make a plan, to think out what she was going to say or do, but she realized that when it came to matters like this, the careful order she managed to give her professional life slipped away.

At his offer, she decided that she couldn't keep thinking so hard about this, and stepped forward, giving Spock's hand a gentle tug as she moved inside. "Thank you Jim," she murmured.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

There was a thrill in hearing her call him that. Kirk licked his lips, moving backwards until his legs hit the bed and sat down. So are they both going to kill me? Uhura with the Vulcan in the Captain's quarters? He gave them both a wary look. Neither seemed... mad, but they seemed united.

[just-uhura.livejournal.com]

She watched him for a moment, unconsciously licking her lips when he did as her eyes followed his actions. Once more he was looking at her like she was going to rip his head off, and idly Nyota wondered why people found her so intimidating.

"Jim," she repeated, just as softly as before, extending a hand.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk stared silently at Uhura for a long moment, as if he didn't understand. Maybe he didn't. She couldn't really mean.. his eyes flickered once to Spock, but saw nothing in those dark, impassive eyes. Kirk took a breath, chest expanding very visibly before he stood up.

He looked to her eyes, dark, darker in the dim light of the room. He stepped forward and curled his fingers with hers, wishing he fully understood its meaning. What was running through their heads?

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

If Jim could see what was running through his head at the very moment, the very baseness of his thoughts would have made him laugh. They flickered between some simple pleasure at seeing the marks along his jaw, the movement of his body as he stepped closer, the erotic nature of his hand joined with Nyota's in that comforting fashion. It didn't help matters much that he had enjoyed Nyota's skin under his palms not too long previously, and he nearly had trouble stopping himself from calculating the time it would take to have them both nude under his hands.

Spock wondered if it was the drink from earlier.

I want to kiss him, Nyota. His mind murmured to hers, but was careful not to project it to forcefully, or Jim would be the recipient as well. I want to kiss both of you. I want to explore. I am curious... The words faded as he concentrated again.

"You are under the belief that I cannot have you and Nyota within my intimate circle, Jim." He brought up the facts, the cool assessment all that was keeping him calm, Vulcan. "Why is this?" His eyes were bright. His head tilted slightly as he questioned him.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

The question had its immediate, visible reactions - a tensing of the body, a flare of nostrils, a widening of eyes. Kirk's next breath shuddered from him.

He turned his head and looked towards Spock, his expression dumbfounded.

Uhura was standing here during Spock's statement. Right there, her hand graceful and strong where it curved around his. His own hand tightened as his mind simultaneously raced and came to a screeching halt. Could Spock... really mean what he thought Spock meant? His mouth felt hot and dry suddenly, unable to even find words. Spock had made him speechless.

Her hand was still laced to his.

Answer, idiot. Answer him!

"I.. you two..." He shook his head, trying to find the words, "I thought you two were..." He fumbled, mentally cursing himself, "Exclusive." He finally got out.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

"We are willing to make an exception for you," Spock supplied, but even as he said this he looked over at Nyota, just to confirm that they were of the same opinion. "Since you are unlike any other individual we will likely meet."

But there remained something unsaid, that he would tell Jim later or could assume he inferred it. Spock didn't so much care for his own well-being--Vulcan emotions, those that could be easily affected, could be broken down and built up again with some minor practice. Yet if Jim had the audacity to do something to hurt Nyota knowingly, maliciously...it would take more than a captaincy and a well-armed Doctor to prevent his hands from closing around Jim's throat.

An unfortunate thought at the moment. He much preferred to be doing other things with Jim's throat.

[just-uhura.livejournal.com]

I know, her mind pressed back to his, her eyes moving from Jim to Spock as she thought. She gave him a soft smile, knowing that he needed her reassurance. She drew their hands closer to her, to her side, sweeping the pad of her thumbs over their wrists.

Nyota was still a little unsure how this was going to go. It was beyond her realm of experience, and this situation could so easily be overthought. So instead she concentrated on the feel of their hands in hers; Spock's so hot, those long graceful fingers she enjoyed. And Jim, his hand was cooler to touch, though still so warm, his fingers a little rough against her softer skin.

"It's alright," she repeated quietly, just as she had once before, before Jim turned on his heel and ran. She hoped that this time he would react a little differently.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk let out a tiny sound, glancing to Spock, then back to Uhura. The idea of someone letting him, wanting him to do this, in this situation, was something he could barely imagine. He looked down at their hands, Uhura's and his linked, Uhura and Spock's linked. There wasn't something fully there, something new and being learned with each breath the three of them shared in his quarters.

He met Spock's eyes, black in the dim lighting, watching and waiting. Something small, something bigger then just sex. He wasn't used to that.

Didn't care.

Kirk's hand tightened before he closed the distance between himself and Spock, reaching up and tangling his fingers in dark fabric. He leaned in close, keeping their eyes locked until the last second before their lips touched. Honest and simple even if everything involving it wasn't.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

Honest and simple.

Spock didn't want honest and simple and clean. He wanted the mysteries of Jim to unfold under heat and pressure, to feel the contrast of his humanity against himself. The turbolift scene was still fresh his mind, the frustrating lack of skin to touch and Jim's teasing remarks. The opportunity with Nyota was even sharper, her body against his, under his hands, denying himself then to get to this point.

Now alongside his initial curiosity was the lust, slow-burning through the entire evening. Spock wanted to know Jim more than he simply wanted. And here, at last, the opportunity to investigate. Even better--to have Nyota present to share his findings with immediately.

His free hand came up to slide over and grip at the back of Jim's neck, pulling him into a kiss that was far more intense than the simple brush. Jim was close and Nyota was close and he had a hand on both of them now.

Pleased. The feeling curled faintly through his contact.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk shuddered through that kiss, feeling Spock's pleased feeling curl straight through him in every good way. There was something.. something..

Slowly he broke the kiss, laying his forehead against Spock's for a moment, "...if... if we're gonna do this, Spock," He breathed softly, a hand coming up to rub his thumb along Spock's jaw, "This isn't just... sex."

He sounded almost confused, and honestly was. He wasn't sure what he was doing, and that made him almost nervous. He always knew what he was doing. He was sure in his steps. He made the right choices. Except... in this.

He stepped back, keeping his hand linked, "I'm missing someone." He whispered, the corners of his mouth lifting. "And besides, we can't do this here. Promised."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones knew it was wasteful, using all that water, but it felt so good, his muscles loosening and relaxing.

He heard a voice, Kirk taking, and he chuckled, wondering if he was planning on joining him. After a few minutes Kirk hadn't shown up, so he turned off the water and stepped out.

Bones wrapped a towel around his waist and was heading out of the bathroom when he stopped in his tracks.

Kirk wasn't talking to him. The room, dimly lit, no one saw him in the doorway, though he could easily make out Spock and Nyota, Spock's hand in Kirk's, and Bones frowned. He could make out the words Kirk was saying and he understood, but none of it made sense.

Except it did make sense - they wanted Kirk tonight, and they came looking for him. Shit...

He took another step into the room, making enough noise to get their attention. Standing there, towel wrapped loose around his hips, the flush on his face creeping down his chest as he became aware of how undressed he was. He hurried to grab a pair of track pants out the dresser and quickly tossed them on in the bathroom before walking back out, not catching anyone's eyes until he at least had some pants on.

Bones glanced up at Nyota briefly then Spock, acknowledging them before turning to Kirk. "Hey," he said, confused as fuck. His eyes were dark and cloudy. "Do I need to leave?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound as unsure as he felt.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk's entire body tensed like a bow string, and he turned his head to look at Bones. Shit... He hadn't even noticed the running shower or that Bones had come into their quarters. When he was sleeping? When had he gotten so used to Bones that he could sleep while Bones came in?

Kirk licked his lips as Bones vanished, his hand tightening on Nyota's and dropping entirely from Spock's. His heart was beating faster, and there was a strange twisting feeling in his stomach that he couldn't remember ever feeling before. When had he ever gotten nervous about something so simple as sex?

Maybe when you realized there was something more going on here? He thought grumpily to himself, then looked to Spock.

He grabbed the Vulcan's hand again, eyes firm. He's the missing something.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

Indeed.

McCoy's appearance was surprising, though not entirely illogical when one considered the circumstances. The water rolling off his shoulders and the way his damp hair was messed in a peculiar fashion was even less expected, but not unwelcome. It was anything he hadn't seen before, given the man's costume earlier, but the setting and the events made it so much more--different.

His curiosity was piqued again, still racing after having tasted Jim, and it reached out towards this man. An engima like Jim, but something solid and quiet like a black hole in the depths as opposed to a bright and pulsing quasar like Jim. Briefly, Spock remembered the scent Yontaya had attributed to McCoy, strong-water-help. The coolness intrigued him, and juxtaposed against what he had felt of him before, that unfortunate night on Risa…

Spock considered the possibility he was asking for more than he could handle. Humans were not specimens to collect, not crystals to adorn his shelves. Yet he could see himself enjoying their company--had seen it, in fact.

"No." Spock spoke up first, calm and confident. His gaze surveyed McCoy as he stood there. "I would not object to your company."

If anything, it would help him decipher Jim. Perhaps, if Spock was more fortunate, he could see yet more of human nature from another perspective.

want. The pulse was too small to be detected by Jim. To Nyota, it would remind her of holding hands and scientific oddities--the desire to unravel, to study, to understand. But he also looked at her; would she be comfortable with McCoy present? This question and similar others remained palpable between them but unsaid.

[just-uhura.livejournal.com]

As Jim had moved forward, Nyota's eyes had fallen closed, head tilted to one side as she tried to open her mind to what Spock was feeling. She kept a firm grip on both their hands, enjoying the warm tingle that she had come to understand was pleasure. They weren't strong enough to overwhelm her, the tactile bond wasn't a meld and her mind was still her own. Yet as with everything to do with Spock, she had enjoyed figuring out what each little sensation meant, how he felt when he sent them to her.

Hearing Jim speak broke the spell, and her eyes snapped open again, darting back and forth between man and Vulcan. She had opened her mouth to voice the exact same thing, to mention that there was Leonard to consider, when the man in question did that for her. It must have looked suspicious, though she didn't know the specific boundaries of their relationship to judge how he must be feeling. If she had a spare hand, she would have moved forward to try and reassure him, though it occured to her she didn't know how. She cared for him and considered him to be important in her life, but never stopped to consider how he felt about her. She honestly didn't know.

She looked back to meet Spock's gaze, the question there. For a beat she couldn't answer, her mind withdrawing back into itself to consider it. Who was she to assume that he would even want her there? It was different with Spock, whose feelings she could sense, and Jim who always made it painfully clear that he considered her physically attractive at least. She was less sure on the rest. But Leonard... And then for a moment it was overwhelming, and it took all her self-control not to pull back her hands and step away from them.

It made perfect sense when she thought about it. They were all so fitting, like smaller pieces of a larger puzzle that worked so well. There was James (Jim) who burned hard and fast like the sun. And Leonard who balanced him out so well, all velvety smooth and dark. Then came Spock, who was everything between and always everywhere to her. Sometimes she could just sit and watch as they argued and discussed, each a force just as strong as the other. Mind, body and spirit. Was it wrong of her to wonder if maybe that was how it should be, like the other universe?

But she couldn't, wouldn't say no, so she nodded, looking back to the Doctor. "If you want to stay," Nyota offered. "If you want us to stay."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

To say this was unexpected was an understatement. Bones watched Kirk's face intently as this conversation went on, looking to see if there was anything in there that could help him understand. It wasn't as if he was surprised, really, though this was the last thing he was expecting tonight.

Sometimes in the dark of the night when they talked and laughed to themselves, Kirk would muse about various parings and configurations he wanted to experience, together with him, and after that night in Risa with the other Jim and Spock, Bones knew that Kirk truly did want him there if possible. But this was one couple never mentioned. Kirk didn't fuck around with crew. Kirk didn't interfere in established relationships. Kirk liked to keep it light and fun and exciting - and the three of them standing there before him was anything but - this situation felt like it had its own gravity and he was being drawn into it, drawn into Jim's eyes.

Then his eyes moved to Nyota... that was a bit of a surprise, he had to admit. Beautiful, strong, her relationship with Spock was such an enigma. Could she really want this? He asked her with his eyes, worried. But she didn't look away.

His eyes lingered on Spock's longest, drawn into the blackness, the slight flush of his skin. This is you keeping away from him.... It was easier to think that than try and decipher the heated look Spock was giving him, taking him apart from the inside, exposing him the same way he did during their mind meld.

"Is this what you want?" he asked Kirk, turning back to him again, a step closer. His eyes were dark in confusion and wonder... and curiosity. Right or wrong, whatever that said about him, for Bones it always came down to that question. What did Jim want?

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk's fingers curled, feeling a tension mounting in the room that was curling between all four of them, binding them together in somewhat subtle and not subtle ways. It was as heavy as syrup, slowing time until the rest of the universe slipped away when they weren't paying attention.

He stared at Bones, those dark eyes. Three sets of dark eyes were focused on him, black in the dark room, their stares heated. He had never felt something quite like this, something that gripped at him and turned what should have been a 'fuck yea!' rough and tumble threesome into more then he ever thought. That something, potent as moonshine, was terrifying for someone like him who was used to keeping sex very, very separate from the rest of his life.

He let his hand drop from Uhura's (Nyota's... privileged), and he stepped forward towards Bones. Another step, another, bringing him up to the man he had given that first tiny piece of himself to and asked Bones to keep it safe. His hands felt alien and divorced as they came up to cup Bones' face, that gorgeous face he had wanted to fuck, then needed as his best friend, then loved as everything else he possibly could.

"Don't know what I want," His words were only a breath, meant for Bones alone, "Just... know what feels right." He kept their eyes locked, trying to convey everything he didn't know how to say. "Doesn't feel right without you. I..." Hesitation, drifting, things he didn't let happen. His usually fast thinking tongue was deserting him at the worst possible time.

"Can't do this without you. Don't want to do this without you." I don't think I can. "Only if you do, too." The something between all of them felt like it was vibrating, faster and faster until it hummed and could snap under the pressure or could fade into the background and become nothing at all.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

His hands moved up to Kirk's face, and he vaguely wondered what it would look like to anyone else, if anyone could even imagine how it was between them- Kirk tender and loving in a way no other person saw, Bones almost desperate in his need for the other man. Alone, they weren't the men everyone else knew. Alone they were unrecognizable except to each other.

Their foreheads together, Bones took a deep breath, knowing that this wasn't something small, this was going to mean something to Kirk... and that scared him more than the sex. But he also knew it was going to happen, a sense of inevitability that had burrowed in the back of his head since he'd heard about the other Jim and Spock from the old Spock. You two are supposed to do great things together, he remembered telling Kirk once, so worried he was going to lose his best friend. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

So his answer was just as inevitable- a kiss on the forehead, another on Kirk's slightly opened mouth, and a murmured, "Yeah." He could do this... and looking over at the other couple in the room, his arm possessively around Kirk, he surprised himself by realizing that he wanted to be here.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Something eased inside Kirk that he didn't even know was tensed up, a pressure that resembled a giant fist locked around his heart released. His breath shuddered out, and he turned to face the other two in the room. They stood together, hands still linked together in an intimate gesture for Spock. Just being close together like this, specially in front of someone else, was intimate for Bones and himself.

Bones could no more lose Kirk then he could his own heart. Instead of terrifying Kirk like it should have, the knowledge that the reverse was no different gave him a sense of security like nothing else in the world could. They stood together as captain and officer, friend and friend, lover to lover.

They could handle this, too.

"Well then," Kirk said in a slightly lame tone, a small grin coming to his face. It didn't stop things from being awkward, only time and testing would take care of even some of that, but it was a start. He reached down and squeezed Bones' hand, encouraging and tender, before stepping forward. "Where were we?" Since, suddenly, everything was okay. The reservations of moments before were gone.

He grabbed Spock's shirt and pulled him back into the kiss they had started, his entire body thrumming with a certain sense of victory and depth that could be seen in every line of his body as much as felt through the touch of their lips.

[cso-spock.livejournal.com]

His mind wasn't wide open like his other counterparts seemed fond of doing; Spock didn't want to broadcast this to them across the tenuous threads. It would be immediate, here, now, under the tips of his fingertips and at the forefront of his thoughts. The victory from Jim twined in his own sense of satisfaction, hot and simmering and wholesome.

There was a channel open for Nyota, though, so she could feel Jim as well as he: the vivacity of Jim's actions and the feel of his skin as Spock's hand wandered under his shirt, fingertips gracing over muscle until it slid to his back. Bubbling up was the building urge to test what sparked him, alongside the note about the strength of his form as Spock pulled him close as he could.

Yet Spock also gave little gifts to Jim besides the kiss that was mutually claiming. The heat of his thoughts pressed equally against all outlets, but for Jim's sake it was almost tentative. Want. An offering of himself that he made in exchange for a chance to understand and experience more, one that he denied to everyone but Nyota (until now--the universe never did create something from nothing).

His hand wandered down to more sensitive areas. Invite him closer, Spock murmured to them both, sparing the briefest glance to McCoy (Leonard). Not the indifferent glance he gave him in sickbay, not in the least. So, so curious to watch how the flame would react to a calming influence--and already hypothesizing that it would be swept up into the heat just the same.