[Kirk's Quarters] -- [Knock to Enter]

[kirktastic]

*is silently sitting in his quarters, a padd tucked up on his lap being ignored*

Comments

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

*quietly* I know that, Jim. *goddamned it, why can't he just talk about all of this*

I'm gonna be the doctor first, alright? Can I see the scratches? *frowns* I didn't think you'd have gone to sickbay today to have them taken care of, so-

*pulls out a small dermal regenerator, the one he uses on away missions*

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

*slowly pulls off the pair of shirts, revealing the nasty bite-marks and the finger-shaped bruises on his hips* Now... he thinks I didn't want to do it. That he forced me or something. *remembers those final words*

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

No, he doesn't. *runs over the marks with his equipment, breathing slowly and deeply as his fingers touch the bruised skin* What time did you get up this morning?

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

...late. You hypo'd me. *just watches the fingers against his skin*

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

You needed sleep, Captain. *he doesn't mean it to come out as a growl but it does, burying the guilt over sedating his best friend against his will*

You appear to be fine. Sleeping helped. *he sighed, putting down his equipment and turning to face Jim* So. We should probably talk about what happened.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

*thinks his title being growled is about the hottest thing ever, but stays silent*

What's there to really talk about? You hypo'd his ass and kind of stopped everything. I'm fine, you're fine, he's not.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Are you really going to bullshit me like that, Jim?

*its clear he's not the doctor talking to his captain anymore - there's a shift and how they're just them*

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

What do you want to hear? *looks up, his eyes bright, blunt* I was fine with letting him have me, alright? Fuck, he was hard and he felt good. You know how I am. Plus it would have saved him.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

No, it wouldn't. *he hadn't meant to yell but damn it, when would he understand!* It wouldn't have saved him. It would have been nothing but something to tide him over until he found his bondmate. It can't be just anyone, Jim.

And more than that - he asked me to make sure that he didn't hurt anyone. He told me to sedate him before he hurt someone, and you didn't even give me that chance!

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

*surprise at the yell* Bondmate..?

What the fuck, Bones! I was doing what I could to help him! He didn't hurt me, you think a few bites and bruises are gonna bother me!? *glares, unable to help getting defensive*

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

No, you were doing what you thought he needed, and not asking me or anyone else what was going on.

*standing, he paced around the room* What the fuck are we doing here, trying to help you if you don't listen to us? I'm wracking by brains trying to come up with some answer for this, and you just walk in there and decide, 'Hey, I'll fuck him and that should make things better.'

If that was the solution, wouldn't we have done that by now?

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

*his fingers curl into fists, eyes narrowed* It just HAPPENED, dammit! It wasn't like I went in there to do that! I wanted to check on him and get some fucking sleep, not end up under a horny Vulcan! You have no clue!

He was staring at me like I could fix everything in the world for him... I figured sex couldn't hurt anything!

And what is your PROBLEM!? You're acting like my jealous girlfriend or something!

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

No, sex couldn't hurt anything, he says... what if it could? What if you'd have been bonded with him forever? No, I suppose that doesn't bother you, either. *sighs, sitting down. he doesn't want to be angry*

*doesn't respond to the girlfriend comment, but just looks at Jim, then drops his eyes.*

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

*growls a little* I don't want to be bound to him forever. I didn't know about it, so stop riding my ass about it! I was just trying to help!

Not like you didn't seem to be enjoying some of it!

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Shut up, Kirk.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

*blinks, looking sharply to Bones, who he can't remember ever calling him Kirk* ...

*just looks away* Maybe you should go, Leonard.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that would make it easier for you, wouldn't it. You were the one who wanted to talk the other day. *raises his hands* Why not talk now?

You know, I think you like me acting like some jealous girlfriend. You like knowing that I'm always going to be there, no matter what you do or who you do it with. That's gotta be some sorta rush, knowing that I can walk in on you fucking a Vulcan, and I'm still gonna be there the next day wanting to patch you up.

*stands* If there is something you feel guilty about, then deal with it. I'm not gonna let you make me feel bad for what happened, for any of it.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Excuse me?! This is coming from the man who's run away from every conversation we've had in the last few days?

Dammit I don't want to be fighting with you! I don't know what is wrong between us but it feels like that time I accidentally brought home a girl and fucked her in our room and you hated me for a week until I begged you to stop.

The only 'rush' is knowing that I have my best friend that's at my back and I can trust him to always be there! Do you suddenly not want to be that, anymore!? *sounds almost.. frightened* I thought that being there the same for you was enough but I guess not.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Who's fighting! I'm not fighting! I'm just trying to get you to see that you have to stop. Stop doing it all on your own. Stop trying to save the world on your own!

Goddamnit - *puts his hands in his head* - didn't I just tell you I was always gonna be there? It's like you're not even listening to me. *looks up, hands on his face, staring at Jim* *starts chuckling to himself, covers his face as he groans and laughs*

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

ARG! I just don't understand you sometimes. You are fighting! At least you're yelling! This wasn't me just trying to save the world, I just wanted to help him!

...I do listen to you...

Fuck, dammit. *just turns away, not sure what to do. It feels like he's coming apart at the seams*

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

*scrubs his face with one hand and sighs* Jim... Jim, stop. Just- stop. Alright? I'm not yelling. No more yelling. Just- just talking, okay?

*folds his hands in front of him again* *maybe they needed to take a step back* Did anything about last night bother you?

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

...talking, right. *sighs, sagging* I hate fighting with you.

...Yea. I knew you wouldn't want it, that's why I tried to hypo him before he caught my hand. I didn't want you to have to do something you didn't want to.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

We're not fighting... we just talk loud sometimes.

That wasn't your decision to make, Jim. I'm a big boy, I can say no. *catches Jim's eyes* I can even take care of myself sometimes.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

I know it wasn't my decision... dammit. *holds Bones' eyes for a second, then looks away* I know that you wouldn't have sex with Spock normally, so I didn't want you to have to do it under... weird circumstances.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

*returns the stare* But you would?