[NVC Day 24] -- [Does It Comes From Within?] -- [Jim/Sybok]

[kirktastic]

When Jim left the trial that evening, it was over. No more offense, no more defense. The trial was over. Tomorrow, when he came there in the morning, they would know what would be happening with the Romulans. He felt at ends about it, broken into pieces.

So instead of going back to his room, dealing with dinner he wouldn't eat, he decided to go do something instead. After some deciding, a quick bit of research, Jim had somewhere to go. He asked Bones, but wasn't entirely surprised when Bones declined to want to come. It wasn't exactly something up Bones' alley, but tonight, it wasn't a terrible thing. Just a few hours to go out, clear his head, then come back and find Bones' arms.

That's what set Jim out to the distant cliffs, where the beaches were shallow and warm like the ocean itself. He had on a pair of swim trunks, goggles, and pairs of specially designed shoes and gloves with webs in them to help him swim and still retain movement in his fingers. He dumped the backpack he had brought with him, and pulled on the last two items he needed. Around his neck went the mouth piece to his slim, light weight breathing device that could process the water into oxygen for him to breathe. Around his head went a band with a small camera attached, and on his belt was a very light weight processor that would record everything the camera saw. He thought it would be interesting to keep, and bring back so Bones could see.

The waters of Sha'Kwai were amazing. The things he saw, diving down as deep as he could before he couldn't tolerate it anymore. It cleared his head, the silence of everything except his bubbles and the moving water. It was warm down there, like slightly less warm bathwater. He saw strange fish with horns on their head, giant coral-like creatures that swayed when he came close to them and brushed against him, even something that looked like an alligator except when it opened its mouth a small tentacle emerged and struck at a fish.

When it started to get dark, he had to get out so he could be safe. He grabbed a towel out of the backpack he had brought and dried himself off, and started to walk back towards the guest quarters again. It was a bit of a walk - the beach he had started on had been recommended to him, but the walk felt good. Worked out the kinks in his muscles.

Comments

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

The text message and following breakfast yesterday morning had been troubling. A perfectly good serving of waffles and fruit had been ruined by Spock's sullen, self-tormenting mood, and then perpetuated by the advent (and dismissal of) some chocolate-chip pancakes that were replaced, after some debate ("This habit is destructive, and I'm not carrying you out of here."), by a traditional Vulcan porridge completely composed of non-inebriating ingredients. The victory had been small, and Sybok didn't bother relishing it when he was already thinking about how to talk with this captain, this...human.

Standing here waiting for Jim to come by hadn't exactly been a happenstance. Sybok hadn't stalked him, because that wasn't his modus operandi. He simply asked around, casual questions about a blue-eyed, blond-haired, fortunate looking human and his comings and goings on the beach until a young Vulcan in a loose white beach robe had told (mind or voice, Sybok didn't remember and didn't care) that he had seen such a human come by and rent his equipment for a specific location. So Sybok had found a place on the beach where he could see the sky, the ocean, and everthing within a five mile radius.

As the night came closer, his gaze was drawn towards where there would soon emerge a smattering of stars clustered toward the center of the galaxy. His eyes closed, thinking--he'd get there, someday--and when he opened his eyes, he could see a familiar figure treading through the sand towards him.

"Jim!" He caught his attention with a wave and a friendly smile; he wore a grey shirt and a pair of trousers that were strictly off-planet fashion, that kind of clean-but-cheap garb that let him walk around the planet without drawing unwanted attention to himself. Laborers had their place and he was more than willing to masquerade in their strata to move unseen.

"Have a nice swim?" Sybok guessed as he came up to Jim's side, falling seamlessly in with his pace through the sand. "I'd like to talk about a few things, if you don't mind?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

The sudden appearance of Sybok was a bit of a shock. It threw Jim for a loop so did seeing that smile on a Vulcan's face and he boggled a little at Sybok as the Vulcan fell in step with him. Had Sybok been waiting for him?

"...Um, yea." He said cautiously, raising an eyebrow at the other. Considering that he had not had the best conversation with Spock just the morning before, he wasn't exactly sure he wanted to talk to Sybok if Sybok had 'a few things' he wanted to discuss. But still, he had enjoyed the other man's presence enough at the restaurant, and he had some time before he was going back to Bones.

"Guess so. I need to drop this stuff off where I rented it from first, kay?" He shoved some wet hair back from his face, getting a haircut before I go off planet, walking towards the small shop.

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"Of course." Though he still followed alongside. They would have to stop by that same Vulcan again--or perhaps the boy had changed shifts?--but either way, there wouldn't be any recognition, any glimmer of remembrance.

"How have you been?" Sybok inquired, hands in his pockets. "I've heard Starfleet personnel have come down with a few...afflictions over the last two weeks."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

If Bones was right, Spock had not been having a few good days while that strange alien drink had been affecting the two of them. Sybok, from that sly comment, no doubt knew about it. So, Jim chose not to comment at all on it. "The trial's been difficult," Jim pulled the bag around to his front, "supposed to be over and done with tomorrow morning." He walked up to the vendor and gave back the goggles, breathing apparatus, shoes, gloves, camera, and processor. He received a small disc in return, which he tucked back into the backpack before he nodded to the young Vulcan.

He looked back to Sybok, "and yourself?"

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"I've been well. There's still a novelty that comes from being stationary, which you would know of, I'm sure." He still kept his belongings dense, collected, and at a minimum, and his rent kept on the shortest possible cycle. Habits.

"The best part of the last month is that I can talk to my brother without interference, which requires greater luck than you might believe. Especially--" They were out of ear shot from the shop now, out amongst the sand and the water. "--when the timing is so peculiar."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"It's nice to be stationary for a little while," Jim admitted, tucking his pack onto his back, "but honestly? I'd be bored if we stayed any longer. Even when I lived on Earth, being at the Academy for three years was almost torture. Too long in the same place." He looked upwards, smiling slightly. His home was up there among the stars, waiting at the space dock. At least, the home for his physical body.

"You missed Spock a lot?" It was strange, because Spock had never mentioned having a half-brother. Did Spock resent Sybok? Hate him? Was embarrassed by him? But the last word Sybok uttered caught his attention. "What do you mean, peculiar?"

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"I can't say that I had a lot of time to sit to miss anything--but I do regret leaving him alone. Though it looks like he's grown up well enough."

A sly glance from the water to Jim, almost expectant, come on, now, you know the answer to this. "What I mean is that he's here when he could need me the most. We all experience the pon farr in our own way, though his has been uniquely problematic." Maybe some would say his openness about the issue was impolite, more so because it was not actually his pon farr, but Jim was a human and Sybok himself didn't really care.

Now he needed to watch.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

He did know the answer to his own question, but hearing it from Sybok confirmed it. Vulcans might have found the talk about pon farr impolite, but Jim could have cared less. "Problematic." Jim said the single word in a tone of heavy sarcasm, mixed with flickers of anger, sadness, and fear. How long would it be, if ever, would it be before he could think about it without those emotions bubbling up inside of him.

His thumb hooked in the strap of his pack, watching the sand where they walked. "...Glad he has someone other than Nyota to help him out. Someone... who's done it." A little lame, but he thought it got through what he meant.

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

Technically, he hadn't, not like Spock's. Technically, he had gone through two pon farrs that were successively unsatisfying and non-bonding. Yet he had been through a bond, whole and then broken, and that was all the knowledge base he needed for this.

"The rest of you could benefit from some help, too. There's nothing that says you have to come to understand it alone." And, per tradition, since he was family of the victor he should offer some comfort, like food or lodgings (or in this case, more).

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"We're not going at it completely alone," Jim was willing to admit. Spock knew they had gone to the healer, so he assumed Sybok knew now as well. "I mean really, does this happen?" Jim glanced to Sybok - would Sybok even know, having been gone from Vulcan for so long? "Being forced on someone like this? I got the feeling that," wow, look at him being universally correct, "two males generally didn't bond, nonetheless three people, and four?"

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

Sybok did know, not from being among Vulcan society (because they never talked about it) but because of his own extensive studies into Vulcan history. Whatever he could access before being shipped away from the planet, that is.

"Males don't usually bond because the combined pheromones usually encourages the wrong instincts: they think their mate is a rival, and you can imagine how well that would end. Spock probably made an exception since none of you posed an actual Vulcan-like threat. No offense.

"As far as the multiplicity goes..." Sybok paused, thought a little more, flipping through old files and lectures and other things he had heard, read, and surveyed. "History says that warlords and kings have had multiple wives of varying importance, but I can't recall a historian who had the chance to ask if they were all bonded."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"No, trust me, I'm pretty damn sure in some ways Spock saw me as a rival. Unless females bonded to Vulcans come out of pon farr with concussions and bruises and bruised ribs. He fought me..." Jim's eyes closed as he remembered, every bit of his training unable to help him.

A hand instinctively went up to his throat in memory, and he shuddered.

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"If he saw you as a rival, Jim," Sybok watched the movements of Jim's hand up to his throat. If Spock did have his hands there... "You would be dead. No exceptions. Our family may not be the strongest among the Houses but he would have died before he allowed you to live."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I don't necessarily think it was that kind of rival," Jim's tone was cautious, but then suddenly he stopped as he if realized what he was talking about, who he was talking to, and just shook his head.

"Is this what you came here for? To grill me about pon farr? If it is I really don't want to talk about it."

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"I didn't come to 'grill' you about it. Neither am I here to bless your union on behalf of my family, or condemn it. I'm here to help you, like I said before." A breath, then an exhale, almost like a sigh. This human was just as friendly as Spock in a similar mood.

"You could, and you have sought professional help, but do you think the Healer you've found knows exactly what he's talking about? Any properly trained Healer can learn the procedures and remember the testimonials, but do you think he's experienced it? It's like captaining a starship. You most likely read about it while you were studying to be an officer, but does it capture the entire scope of the job or experience? I doubt it, so I'm ensuring you don't make a decision with only half the knowledge that's available to you."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I somehow assumed Vulcans actually trained their healers and--" Jim paused, rethinking what he was going to say. He tilted his head up and looked at Sybok, brows coming together. "Are... you saying what I think you're saying? That you know what it feels like to break a bond?"

...Was Sybok here to break it?

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"I do." He didn't look away from Jim's glance. He wasn't ashamed of it (there were few things in the galaxy that could shame him anymore) or worried if Jim knew the information. This wasn't about him, this was about Spock.

"I can tell you what it feels like. I can also tell you what it feels like every day after that."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...even though he'll still have Nyota?" Jim's brows went up, but damn his curiosity he wanted to know. Sybok looked damn well old enough to have gone through pon farr so... had he bonded and it was severed? "What happened?"

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

Sybok shifted his gaze to look up the length of the beach ahead of them. It wasn't so much to see how the grains captured the last bit of dying light from the setting sun, but more to collect his own memories together. The thing about keeping his emotions available was that they leached into everything, and then came alive around the most painful of his experiences.

"First of all, you should know that you don't need to endure the pon farr in order to seal a marriage bond. It can be cemented in--other ways."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"This wasn't a fucking marriage bond. Just a bond," he held up a finger, "I don't give a shit what Vulcans say, I'm human and Spock's half and there's three humans in this bond so we out rule his 1/2 Vulcan. What other ways can it be formed, then?" Because... well, he was curious, thinking about the bond he had with Bones.

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

A smile tugged at the corner of Sybok's mouth and he chuckled, something soft and not louder than the ocean waves. "Let's say it is, okay, Jim?

"The other way you can form it is you can find a Healer and ask them to form it--which they will, with some convincing. With humans, I'd imagine it'd be artificial until the pon farr, but between Vulcans, it just builds on the foundation from the betrothal." That had been a grand night, he remembered vividly, though tried to ignore the fact they had been so young. He had been fresh out of his Rite of Tal'oth, she had only intended on meeting him at the gate that evening...it was one of the few truly spontaneous events in his life.

"We did this, T'Rasi--my bondmate--and I."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...Let's stick to bond." There was just a bit of warning in that voice, but Jim looked quietly up to Sybok. "But that wasn't a bond bond, was it? What's that bond like... the partial one?"

Sybok wasn't the only one capable of getting information subtly.

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"The betrothal link?" He raised his eyebrows at that direction Jim's curiosity seemed to have taken, since it was something the human would never experience. "It fills a smaller portion of your mind than the bond." Sybok put heavier emphasis on it in lieu of adding 'marriage' to it, as Jim seemed more comfortable with that.

"You can't truly communicate. At times, you can feel strong emotions if your bondmate feels it--generally not often, in any 'proper Vulcan.' Contact is also...more pleasurable than you'd have with any stranger." There was a fondness in his voice.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"So a healer has to make that happen? That... link?" Jim tilted his head, but deep inside he thought it sounded surprisingly familiar. He couldn't feel things Bones could though... could he?

[outcastprince.livejournal.com]

"They can, if you need them to, but that's not their place. The links are set by one of the patriarchs of the clan between the two intendeds as children. They'll be about seven standard years, give or take a year to ensure compatibility.

"Why? Do you plan on getting betrothed to another Vulcan?" A light tease--almost.