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It had been a far, far too long day at the trial. To say that Jim's mood was shit was, at best, an understatement. There was a deep part of him that didn't believe in the idea of fair trials. It was a part of him that had lived through Tarsus IV and watched good people be killed to 'ensure' the survival of others. It was a part of him that had been the genius-level repeat offender Pike had known, that had started off in the bad eyes of the law just trying to survive. It was a part of him that still rebelled against the fact he hadn't just killed Nero.
Jim would never understand the choice he had made in his own mind to kill Nero. He was sure that Jim's universe, in many ways, was just that different than this one. Against Nero, it had been a fight. It meant survival. Listening to the defense for Nero try to get him saved under the bullshit of being insane... Jim had no doubt the Romulan was completely and utterly insane, but he also knew that Nero was a very, very smart man who had known exactly what he was doing. Nero just didn't care that it was wrong. Eye for an eye.
Bones was gone, having gotten a comm from the hospital asking for his assistance with a human patient. The look in those dark eyes, a silent Will you be okay, Jim?, had briefly broken the spell of determination, anger, guilt, and resentment that had been around Jim all day. The faintest of smiles, a touch of their hands, and Bones had left.
Now he was alone and all of it was coming back. It was something he didn't want to feel, didn't want to be acting like this and feeling like his hands were dirty. He didn't want to feel guilty about Vulcan, didn't want to feel guilty because Jim insisted it was wrong.
His hand flexed at his side, the bones hurting down deep. The ache had started early in the day, and even with Bones having to massage it out of sight of any Vulcans when it had started to cramp, it was starting all over again. Maybe a shower's heat would soak the bone out of it, but he doubted. Hadn't helped before.
Jim walked down the hall of the guest quarters, heading for his room he was sharing with Bones.
Jim would never understand the choice he had made in his own mind to kill Nero. He was sure that Jim's universe, in many ways, was just that different than this one. Against Nero, it had been a fight. It meant survival. Listening to the defense for Nero try to get him saved under the bullshit of being insane... Jim had no doubt the Romulan was completely and utterly insane, but he also knew that Nero was a very, very smart man who had known exactly what he was doing. Nero just didn't care that it was wrong. Eye for an eye.
Bones was gone, having gotten a comm from the hospital asking for his assistance with a human patient. The look in those dark eyes, a silent Will you be okay, Jim?, had briefly broken the spell of determination, anger, guilt, and resentment that had been around Jim all day. The faintest of smiles, a touch of their hands, and Bones had left.
Now he was alone and all of it was coming back. It was something he didn't want to feel, didn't want to be acting like this and feeling like his hands were dirty. He didn't want to feel guilty about Vulcan, didn't want to feel guilty because Jim insisted it was wrong.
His hand flexed at his side, the bones hurting down deep. The ache had started early in the day, and even with Bones having to massage it out of sight of any Vulcans when it had started to cramp, it was starting all over again. Maybe a shower's heat would soak the bone out of it, but he doubted. Hadn't helped before.
Jim walked down the hall of the guest quarters, heading for his room he was sharing with Bones.
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Date: 2010-05-02 09:50 pm (UTC)Bill was not quite himself.
Kirk, however, when Bill glanced up in startlement to see who he'd collided with, didn't really look himself either.
"Sorry," he managed, reaching out to steady the other man by the elbows as he struggled for stillness. "God, I'm sorry. Wasn't looking where I was going." He shook his head at his own recklessness. "You all right?"
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Date: 2010-05-02 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-02 10:11 pm (UTC)"I'm fine," he said, breathlessly. "Running in the heat, probably a bad idea. You know." He waved a hand dismissively. "I'm okay, really."
Except for the part where he apparently had not yet let go of the other man's arms. He frowned down at his own hands, even as another surge of that strange heat rolled up his spine. Kirk was looking back at him, eyes narrowed in concern, and wow, those really were blue eyes. Blue as blue as -
He let go abruptly and clenched his fingers into his palms. "What about you?" he asked, going for casual. "I know the trial started today. Is it getting you down?"
It was hard to be smooth when your voice kept emerging a register lower than it should.
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Date: 2010-05-02 10:22 pm (UTC)The mention of the trial made a lot of bad thoughts flare up, and he sighed. A tiny part of his mind registered the fact that Bill sounded almost winded, maybe... the actor was coming down with something? That could be a concern, considering Bones was still working on inoculating them.
"It wasn't easy," with a tone that was almost sarcastic, "but it's... going." Jim silently whispered a curse. He didn't mean to sound like an ass. "Sorry, Bill." He looked the other man in the eye - damn he looked just like Jim - and gave a tiny hint of a smile. "Long day."
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Date: 2010-05-02 10:31 pm (UTC)He smiled to soften the firmness of his words. He didn't mean to be harsh, either, but the last thing anyone needed was for Dr McCoy to waste his time trying to find something wrong with him, when apparently he had just come down with Pervert Fever. Tinaitis. Something.
He hoped they didn't have a mind-reading device.
He wondered if the doctor was sitting in on the trial, too. "And don't apologise. I guess you're going to have a lot more long days to come."
He brushed his fingers against the back of Kirk's hand, gently, soothing. It wasn't the kind of gesture he might usually have engaged in with somebody he didn't know especially well, but he was feeling oddly tactile in his responses, today.
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Date: 2010-05-02 10:38 pm (UTC)He blinked slightly as he felt an almost light-headed sensation, then shook it off. ...maybe because I haven't eaten since breakfast. Specially after the feeling didn't go away.
"Yea, each day lasts about ten hours. A lot of time to be going over everything I'd like to be putting behind me."
He tugged at the collar of the shirt he had worn to the trial, wanting to go back to his room and get changed out of it and into something cooler. Suddenly, he just felt too warm in it.
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Date: 2010-05-02 10:47 pm (UTC)Focus, Bill told himself. Focus. Time to be more appropriate.
Damn, that was a nice suit Kirk was wearing.
"That's a nice suit you're wearing," Bill remarked.
Evidently his mind was yet to wrap itself around the concept.
He cleared his throat. "So...at least you'll...look good for ten hours a day?" he ventured.
This was bad; this was very very bad.
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Date: 2010-05-02 10:51 pm (UTC)Was Bill hitting on him?
Jim stared at Bill for a second in confusion. It it was absolutely anyone else, it wouldn't have surprised him. After all, he was a damn good looking guy. But Bill had made it clear .... damn, did Bill have any idea about his neck? The flexing of the adam's apple was an appealing sight, one that made him... clear that Bill didn't want him like that, Bill was with Leonard....
"If I was worried about looking for all that time, I would have gone naked."
...and suddenly that didn't matter nearly as much as it had in the past.
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:03 pm (UTC)He could feel his pupils dilating as his breath quickened in his throat, and that was - a very odd sensation.
"Oh?" he managed; licked his lip and swallowed, hard. He should step away. He needed to step away before the disease overpowered him and made him do something that would get him thrown off the ship.
He knew he was sick when his mind didn't even pause to wonder about the logistics of whether they would have to wait till they were back on the ship before he could be thrown off it.
"I think that might shock the Vulcans," he pointed out.
It was as if there was a charge leaping from his skin to Kirk's, a fine field of static drawing him closer. He should step away.
He took a step nearer, and curled his fingers around Kirk's wrists.
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:09 pm (UTC)One guess to figure out which reaction won out.
His eyes traced over Bill's lips (fuck they'd look gorgeous wrapped around him), the warmth of his skin...
What was he thinking? This was Bill, who was with Leonard, and Bones was supposed to be back shortly...
"Don't give a damn... about what the Vulcans think."
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:20 pm (UTC)"Isn't that against Starfleet regulations, not caring what the natives think?"
Damn, was 'natives' a politically incorrect term? The smell of Kirk was heated and young and fuck he really must be a pervert, because he was leaning in against his will to breathe him in, and it was really making it hard to remember the rules of political correctness. Maybe standing this close to a Starfleet captain was okay as long as you didn't try and put your hand on his backside where it suddenly wanted to go. Or maybe none of this had anything to do with political correctness at all. The underside of Kirk's jaw smelled of sweat and cologne, and apparently The Madness went for that.
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:32 pm (UTC)"Bill what... are you...?" He took another deep breath, letting it out as a quiet sound.
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:42 pm (UTC)Bill wasn't doing anything. He would plead temporary insanity.
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:46 pm (UTC)betterworse when Bill pressed up against the length of him, and the step backward landed Jim's back against the hallway wall.He pulled Bill's ass forward and gave a subtle grind of their hips together. "Bill, you... we gotta..." Had to do something but what did it matter when he was getting hard and Bill felt so damn good against him?
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Date: 2010-05-02 11:57 pm (UTC)"I know," he breathed against the line of Kirk's jaw; "I have to get home."
His hands drifted of their own accord, hitching him closer, bringing his full weight to bear on Kirk. This was ridiculous, he thought; indecent and unfair, but the rest of him didn't want to listen to the voice of reason screaming in his brain; not when it could instead steer their mouths together, Bill's lips sealing over Kirk's, inadvisable and sure.
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Date: 2010-05-03 12:03 am (UTC)Jim ground their hips together in slow rocking motions, every part of him wanting to wrap his legs around Bill's waist and have the actor fuck him right there in the hall, against the wall. Bill's body moving against his, the look in his eyes, those gold eyes...
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Date: 2010-05-03 12:15 am (UTC)Hell, they shouldn't be doing this at all.
He breathed in deep through his nose, steadying himself, and nipped at Kirk's lower lip. "We have to stop this," he managed, voice rough and low with arousal. "I don't know what - I mean - we're in the hallway."
We both owe it to our people to stop this right now kind of went - he hoped - unsaid. He pressed his forehead to Kirk's, biting his lip against the temptation just to seal their mouths back together, and breathed.
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Date: 2010-05-03 12:20 am (UTC)Slowly, painfully against the heat, Jim's eyes crept back open. Something about stopping. No, no, fuck he didn't want to stop. His hands came up and cupped Bill's face, easing a gentle kiss again, tender some in intensity. Bill's voice was sex in his ears and the feel of him urged everything else on.
Jim was breathing harder than he would have liked, dizzy in arousal and so hard it almost hurt. His mind knew he wanted Bill, had wanted Bill, until Bill had told him Leonard would... Leonard...
"Shouldn't.." Oh but his body didn't give a damn what they shouldn't. He rubbed the edges of his thumb against Bill's throat, groaning against his mouth.
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Date: 2010-05-03 12:29 am (UTC)And the thought of a hypo to the neck somehow cut through even this haze of desire.
"Mmmm." He wrenched himself upright and detached himself entirely from Kirk, although the step backward resonated like a physical pain.
"We have to stop," he managed, breathless and sweat-slicked and unnaturally, fiercely aroused. "This is - something's - " wrong/enhanced/insane " - not right here." He struggled for breath, pressing his hands flat to the cool surface of the wall. "And I don't think your doctor wants to walk in here and see this."
God, he was proud of himself for this clarity. Fuck.
"Let's - just get home, okay?"
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Date: 2010-05-03 12:38 am (UTC)It was a physical force of will power not to grab Bill and have him there. Bill was right. Bones.. he had promised himself for Bones no others.. not that he hadn't already sort of broken that (Spock's mouth against his, hot Vulcan hands around his cock)-- Fuck!
"Gotta... Bill...." He couldn't even get anything else out until he swallowed. "Something isn't. Go. Get outta here." Jim forced himself off the wall, stumbling in his first step (so hard it hurt) before he half-ran down the hall in a mirror image of what Bill had been doing only moments before.
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Date: 2010-05-03 12:41 am (UTC)And then, with a great effort of will, he pushed himself up, hot and aroused and still a little breathless, and headed for home (http://canadianbill.livejournal.com/25125.html).