[Day 6 NVC] -- [Can't Protect You When I'm Asleep] -- [Jim and Bones]

[kirktastic]

Jim well knew the difference between waking up from normal sleep and waking up from drug-induced sleep. There was a film that had to be clawed away every time he woke up from a drug-induced sleep, no matter how good it was. That was how Jim woke up, clawing fiercely to get that thick feeling away from his eyes and mouth until he woke up properly.

He stared up at the ceiling in confusion. ...He hurt less than he could remember previously, and he couldn't hear anything in the room. His limbs felt thick, numb... he tried to push himself up to his elbows.

His whole body shuddered, and he had to roll over onto his side. A groan came out of him, and he tried to focus on getting the world to balance correctly. "...'ones?" He said through the dry-thick mouth.

Then sudden reality. He had been trying to protect Bones. Trying to keep Spock away...

He forced himself up with a gasp as stiff muscles complained, and he looked around as his hand clawed at the side of his neck. The feeling of a hypo against his skin.

Comments

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

At the moment Bones was leaning against the cool tile in Spock's large shower, enjoying sone hot water on his aching muscles. Spock had run pretty rough on him that last round, but it wasn't like before... this time Bones just let it happen, knew what was happening, and didn't fight it. 

He'd past out again after that second round, woke up to Spock nudging at Nyota, rousing her from her sleep. After nodding at her, Bones had rolled off the bed and gone to check on Jim, still asleep, thank goodness. Bones was dirty, sticky, and hungry- but he wasn't doing anything until he managed a shower. He'd made his way back to the bathroom and cleaned himself up, letting his mind drift off to thoughts about what was happening. What would happen. What would happen to him and Jim.

Shaking his head, Bones let those thoughts go as he finished his shower. Not much he could do until he talked to Jim. One thing he knew for sure- this wasn't something they couldn't handle. For someone as innately pessamistic as Bones, he knew that what he and Jim had was bigger than this. 

That might be enough to get them through this. 

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he headed outside. It said something about his state of mind that he barely noticed the coupling going on in the bed, other than to note that he'd need to make sure Nyota wasn't injured or hurt next time Spock was with Jim Spock was asleep. They also needed food. 

He walked around the other side of the bed and rummaged through a few drawers until he found some boxers. Tossing them over his shoulder, he grabbed a second pair for Jim and headed back to the small bedroom to check on Jim. 

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim's eyes caught the movement in the doorway, and he looked across to see Bones coming into the room. He sucked in a slow breath that burned in his lungs, twisting to sit fully upright. His ribs gave a little twinge of complaint, but considering he was pretty sure they were broken or heavily bruised only the day before he couldn't complain.

He definitely had a complaint about the fact that Bones had hypo'd him to sleep. He glared slightly as Bones entered the room.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

There was an some morning light streaming in the window when Bones entered the room. Enough light to see that Jim was awake. "How you feeling?" he asked, heading to settle on the bed next to Jim, the boxers tossed on the bed beside them.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

A whole lot of words wanted to come out at Bones' simple question. Jim forced them back down his throat - they were all angry ones. He grabbed the boxers, rolling enough to work them onto himself. Didn't matter that he needed a shower, at least the boxers were some sort of dignity in this shitty circumstance.

He said nothing.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Well, Bones thought to himself, he couldn't be surprised if Jim was pissed off. "Shower is free, if you want to jump in there."

Fuck if he was going to bring it up. Not right now.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"...Yea." Jim stood up slowly, feeling his body complain about every movement. He looked at Bones, the new markings on Bones body - scratches, a new bruise at the shoulder. "...He fucked you again."

His eyes didn't meet Bones', he just started towards the bathroom.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones reached out for Jim's arm, stopping him. There wasn't much he could say - yeah, he'd let Spock fuck him.

He couldn't let Jim just leave like this. "Don't..."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim looked back sharply at Bones, but it didn't hide the look in his eyes of concern/frustration/anger/worry. "Why?" Just a quiet whisper. "You knew... you fucking hypo'd me."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones looked back at him, his own eyes flashing with worry and concern. "I wasn't gonna let him hurt you."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"So you let him hurt yourself!" Jim hissed low. "I didn't want him to hurt you any more than he had!"

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I did..." Bones' eyes darkened, "and how's that different than what you were gonna do? Go get yourself hurt trying to keep him away from me?" Reaching out with one hand, Bones touched Jim's fingers. "Now you can be mad at me all you want, but I'd do the same fucking thing again if I had to."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

His hand turned, curled into Bones' fingers. "I can fucking take it. I get hurt. You fix me up. That's.. that's how its supposed to work! I am fucking supposed to protect you!"

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Bones pulled Jim toward him, still seated on the bed. Jim... How to make him understand.

"I told you, i don't wanna see you get hurt 'cause of me. Not gonna let that happen if I can help it." He wrapped his arms slowly around Jim's waist, resting his head against Jim's abdomen. Too many times seeing Jim hurt.

Not gonna happen because of him.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim slid his fingers into Bones' hair, eyes squeezing shut. "...I can't stand the idea I could have protected you and I didn't. Specially if you fucking put me to sleep! I was hurt, gonna be hurt, because of this shit no matter what you do... but if I could have stopped Spock from doing anything more to you..."

He felt his stomach churn. Spock had done this to Bones. A flare of jealousy-anger came up through him. Bones was... was... his, dammit.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"You couldn't have stopped him." Bones looked up, staring at Jim's face. The bruises were getting dark now. Fuck. Bones reached up to touch his cheek carefully. "Will you let me get between you and him when he comes after you?" Bones' arm wrapped tighter. "I want to, you know that. Sedate him, give him something, anything to keep him away from you."

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

"I don't want him to bond with you," Jim spat out, letting it fall where it would between them. "He was supposed to bond with Nyota..." His eyes opened, looking down, and could barely take that expression in Bones' eyes. He sighed slowly. "Want to protect you."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"I don't want him to bond with me either," Bones replied quietly. He nosed at Jim's skin, the gesture not so much sexual, but affectionate. "And I sure as fuck don't want you bonding with anyone that's not me."

He tugged at Jim, wanting him sitting down next to him.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim moved so he was beside Bones, pressing his face in against the side of Bones' head. "...are bonded." Jim muttered, shaking his head. "You'n'me. Just.. our own way." It was an attempt at a joke, however poor, but at the same time he was serious.

He didn't need a bond to feel something deeper with Bones.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

"Then tell me whatever happens with Spock isn't gonna change that. Doesn't change a damn thing for me. You are always gonna be the most important person in my life." Bones cradled Jim's face in his hands. "Now, it gonna change anything for you?"

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

A little part of him could never deny Bones when they were like this. Those big hands cupped around his face, their eyes meeting. "I can't lie... say it'll change nothing," Jim knew being less than honest here wouldn't be good in any way, specially in the long run, "but it'll never change you being the most important."

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

Something flashed through Bones' eyes - Disappointment? Fear? Confusion? It was hard to read, and didn't last long before it was covered by a blank expression. His hands dropped from Jim's face to slide down his arms, careful to not press against any of the bruises, stopping only when their fingers found each other.

Then just as suddenly he stood. "Gotta feed you." Stepping back, he slipped the boxers on and reached again for Jim's hand, tugging at him to stand and move toward the door.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

That blank expression hurt more than anything Bones could have said or done.

His next breath shook, but he didn't let Bones just pull him up, "No." Jim pulled back, turning to force Bones to look at him. He pulled Bones into a hug, as tight as he dared considering the damage on both of them. "...We gotta be kidding ourselves to fucking say this doesn't change anything, Bones. Don't you dare fucking ever think it means that you're anything less to me. Okay? I didn't pick them to live in a house together, I didn't ask them to live with me in my quarters. You. Fucking asked you and that's what I give a shit about. Means... things'll change, around it, intergrate into it, I dunno. Doesn't stop me from loving you."

He pressed their lips together hard, almost not even a kiss and just something harder, not really ready to hear a response to that. He wasn't even sure what the response could be.

[dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com]

He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to think any of this was really going to change them. He just wanted it to be fucking over.

His arms wrapped around Jim instinctively, too tight but he didn't notice the flinch in either of them. Bones was shaking, just the slightest tremor as they breathed into each other, a desperate sound coming from inside him when they finally parted. "It's gonna be okay," he repeated in a whisper, more to himself than to Jim. Had to be true.

Had to believe it.