kirktastic | [Day 9 NVC] -- [All Things Must Come to an End] -- [Spock, Bones, and Jim]

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[Day 9 NVC] -- [All Things Must Come to an End] -- [Spock, Bones, and Jim]

Jim's body was nearing the end of its limits. He knew Bones wasn't doing much better, despite them patching each other up. Trying to get proper food in both of them had been less than easy - no replicators in the house. Sleep kept getting interrupted, and Spock was anything but gentle each time as the bond was getting tighter and tighter.

He could feel Spock in his head all the time, now. It made him uncomfortable, twitchy, and almost nauseous. This thing he hadn't asked for, didn't want.

He sat on the edge of the bed in the second bedroom, staring at the wall. Bones was asleep behind him, a slow deep breathing, and thank fuck so was Spock. Spock had passed out beside Nyota hours and hours ago, and Jim had taken it to try and sleep beside Bones.

...Except he couldn't. Too much was going through his head, over and over on replay. His head throbbed, like a muscle that had been over-exercised. The feeling of something... that feeling of something... it was clearer, now.

He knew he had to answer it, soon. He planned to talk to Bones when he woke up. There was... a lot they needed to talk about.

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Jim didn't want to feel the guilt, but he did. He was quickly feeling frustrated all over again.

He forced himself to stand, felt the world tilt on its axis, and left to go towards the bathroom. The migraine throbbed hard at his temples and straight down into his gut. Wanted to throw up, get the nothing out of his system, and he was pretty sure his head was going to fall off his neck.

He didn't want to be a part of anything because of fucking guilt.

Spock almost stood to assist him as Jim listed towards one side, but stayed where he was after Jim left the room. Dejected, he moved closer to lean against the bed, towards Leonard. There was no one he felt he could touch and yet he ached for contact.

"...It would be more logical to sever it. You and Jim are two individuals, including a captain and a chief medical officer. I am only one."

But Bones got up and followed Jim into the bathroom. "Hey," he said, putting a hand on Jim's forehead. Sweaty, clammy, cold. Fuck. When Jim got these headaches, and that's what it looked like to him, they got bad. Bones held his head, hoping maybe it wouldn't be that bad.

From where he was sitting on the floor, next to Jim, he could see Spock, watching them. Hurting in his own way.. "I don't know if I could do it, Jim." Running a hand over Jim's hair, he sighed. "I'm a doctor, Jim. I can't hurt him like that, not intentionally, no matter how fucking angry I am."

Bones cool hands pressed in his temples, cradling his head. He swallowed thickly, tasting bile in the back of his throat. He leaned into those hands, eyes staying firmly shut. Whatever Spock had done earlier had upset what little balance he had found since Spock had gotten him hard against the wall at the start of it all.

"Don't..." Swallow, try again, "Can't be in this 'cause of guilt... cuz of pain. He's in my head he's in yours..." His eyes squeezed shut more. Fuck. "Don't know what to think."

"Tell me what you want, Jim. You want this gone, I'll find something, someway, I promise. Just... I can't..." Fuck, Bones didn't know what to think. A couple days ago he'd have been willing to put Spock down like a rabid dog, but now? Fuck... It was different now. Something was different now.

But it was killing Jim and that was unacceptable. "There's gotta be some way we can stop this."

"I don't know what I want!" Jim nuzzled further into those hands. He wanted to force out the light, the echoing sound. "This is so. fucked. up!. I mean, what about Nyota? I..."

He leaned in closer. "...do you want this, Bones? Really?"

"You know what I wanted." Bones didn't think he'd have to say it, but he tried. "You and me, that's all I ever needed. Thought that one day..."

He stopped. Not the time for this. Fuck, would they ever be able to now, take that next step one day? Bones didn't need anything legal like that, he knew what they were to each other. But still, he'd always thought that one day, it might happen. The idea made him happy.

But right now? "I don't know enough 'bout what's going on. Let's talk to him, to both of them. Maybe... We can figure something out." Fuck, he didn't know. But there had to be something.

"...If we kept this, it couldn't be just you and me anymore," Jim whispered, "it'd be four of us." That was... something he wasn't sure he was ready for. Some play time fun? Jim never had any problem with that. This was something permanent, something that couldn't be changed after it became solid in their lives.

Guilt? Resentment? That wasn't what Jim wanted. But Bones... seemed ready to deal with it. How does Bones deal with this so calmly but got upset with me just having sex with other people...

"You don't know that. Look where we are, there's gotta be something that we can do that doesn't-"

Bones stopped, hanging his head. Where was the line they were willing to draw? Maybe not kill Spock, but just hurt him for a few years? How many months of torture and insanity was acceptable to rid themselves of this goddamned unwanted bond.

And Nyota? Would that rending affect her as well? How would her mind handle it? It was fucking too much to think about right now. "I don't know what you want me to say, Jim. I... I just don't know."

"I don't want you to say anything. Just... whatever." Jim slumped, enough that their heads touched. "We don't know anything about this... severing thing. We'll find out more... not gonna base any choice off of us being idiots and not knowing." That was his choice, for now.

Right now, he wouldn't have cared about the bond nearly as much if his head wasn't trying to shatter like an egg.

"You want something for your head?" Bones had been rationing out the meds once it occurred to him that he couldn't just go pick up some more, and there was enough for just one more dose.

After that? Fuck, he wasn't sure how he was going to keep this from happening to Jim all the time if this was what bonding meant.

Looking up at Spock, he called out, "Can you fucking stop it with the head shit already? It's really hurting him." Fuck, there had to be some sort of block he could figure out... maybe that shit he'd made for Harold and Sulu last year. Had to find something.

Their emotions were mercurial, strong, and now painfully clear--was this what it felt like to be human? Spock pulled back from where he had been watching them, eyes shut as he leaned against the wall and concentrated. The only real way he could stop it was to stop his own thoughts, find something much calmer to focus on. He did find something--namely, the lamp in this situation--and suspended his outgoing thoughts accordingly.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

"Yea," Jim normally wasn't one who wanted Bones to give him anything unless he was desperate for it. "Please." He reached up and rubbed his own temple, feeling as slowly something started to pull away until he felt something almost like silence. He breathed out slowly, shaking just slightly.

Slowly standing, Bones rubbed at Jim's head a moment before leaving the bathroom. His bag was over on the dresser of Spock's room, as convenient a place as any once they'd started spending more time in this room. He pulled out the hypo and frowned. There was less than he thought in there. Just enough to take the edge off Jim's pain. Heading back to the bathroom, he squatted next to Jim. "Think you can make it to the bed, or you wanna sit here a bit longer?"

Always seemed to function better if he was working, doing something, even despite the completely fucked-up situation. Another look at Spock, and he could see how the other man was trying hard to not think. Fuck, that wasn't going to work either.

"Why does it hurt him so much?" Bones asked Spock, hating to break his concentration, but not sure why Jim was nearly incapacitated by this, while he himself felt the invasion in his head but not like that. To him, his head hurt from being tired, like he'd been thinking too hard all day and night.

Too many thoughts, he just wanted to turn them off but couldn't.

"...trying not to throw up," Jim muttered quietly, "I'll be good in here." He just curled up there on the cool tile, sweating in the heat and really not caring about anything else for the moment. He buried his head into his own arms, swallowing hard. "Thanks."

It took longer than usual for him to open his eyes and acknowledge Leonard. The peace of his mind and of the bonds was tenuous at best, shaky, like balancing revolving dinner plates. But he could do it, Spock was sure (only he wasn't, didn't know how long it could last, how long he could stop himself from analyzing the situation).

"...I know his mind well, and I am attempting...I am forcing too much on him."

"Well fucking cut that shit out already," Bones growled, looking up at him, trying to catch his eye. "You need to think hard at someone, think at me for a little while, give him a break." The hypo pressed into Jim's skin, Bones trying to get every last droplet in there. He sat down heavily next to Jim, extended his legs out and tried to nestle Jim's head onto his lap where he could touch him better. Wasn't enough fucking food in Jim to throw up, though he might feel better if he could.

Another look at Spock. "How much longer we got here now that you're awake?" The bond were there but they weren't finished... unless his knowledge of them was pretty mistaken.

“You do not want me to do that, Leonard.” Spock said quietly, though not with the feral undercurrent from before. Even as he warned him, some feeling began to trickle through the bond between them like a tentative stream before the winter melt.

“…longer?” Spock looked at them, edged a little closer out of instinct more than anything. “The pon farr has ended, as far as my capabilities are concerned.”

"If it keeps you from hurting him, I don't care," Bones said back just as quiet, watching as Spock moved toward them. He could feel the bond probing harder and he tried not to wince at the sudden increase in pressure.

"What I'm asking is, can we leave?" Bones eyed Spock cautiously. "He needs food and sleep." Threading his fingers through Jim's hair, he closed his eyes, leaving back against the wall. "We both do." Bones knew he hadn't been thinking straight during the week, his mind as fucked up as his body. He needed to get away so he could think without Spock in his head... if that was possible anymore.

The pressure built slowly, emotion still raw and unrestrained coursing through him and into Leonard. “…you…may.” They could; Spock wouldn’t stop them. Yet he still wanted them to stay, yearned for their company and contact in a hopelessly illogical way. “You could acquire sleep here?” He ventured--some childish hope. “The couch is untouched. I can also arrange food. You would not be required to leave until you are properly healed…?” He inched a little nearer. (hopehopefearplease)

When his eyes were closed the thoughts jumbling inside his head coalesced better, tighter, into something more tangible. Spock wanted/needed them to stay, this wasn't done. Everything inside Bones said to grab Jim and run, but fuck... it was never going to be that easy again. Not as long as they'd feel him probing at them with his emotions.

Bones almost laughed. Spock's emotions. Oh fuck, what a fucking situation this was... "When you say properly healed - how long until this," he pointed at his head, "stops hurting so goddamned much?"

That's how he knew he was really tired - Bones hadn't cursed this much since med school.

Spock blinked at him—an honestly blank look, brief flickers of trying to find an answer but discovering there was none to be had.

“I—I am uncertain.” (pleasefearstay) “I could contact—perhaps my father—or my counterpart—or another friend—?” He was already beginning to cycle through those numbers, where was his communicator? Would they tell him anything? “I apologize for my ignorance on this but I had I known—if I had anticipated this—” A pause, a swallow, and then he looked away. It was useless. “…I don’t know, Leonard.”

Jim hadn't stopped listening, even if his head was starting to waver in and out of lalaland thanks to the hypo. It was a blessed sort of relief, because the drug was keeping Spock's emotions down to nearly nil while dropping his migraine back into just a headache.

He didn't open his eyes, didn't move his head from the warmth of Bones' lap and the hands that were soothing at his temples, but he did bring a hand up to squeeze at Bones' knee as an idea flared up, "...Spock. Other Spock."

Something made sense all at once.

Bones bent his head down to Jim's face. "What? You mean his counterpart?"

Surely Jim didn't mean the one with the beard. "You want him to talk to the other Spock?"

Wasn't even going to dare trying to open an eye, but he heard Bones' voice get closer. "...'member, told you about that weird feeling?" It had been a while... and a lot of pain killers on both their parts... and too much lack of sleep... but he hoped Bones remembered.

[Day 9 NVC] -- [All Things Must Come to an End] -- [Spock, Bones, and Jim]

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