kirktastic | [Beach, Risa] -- [Kirk and Kirk]

After Kirk left the cabin and sped off, he knew how restless he was. Too many thoughts buzzed in his head. Thoughts of Pher, thoughts of the possibility of Pher's Spock returning to get him or vengeance. How could he possibly make a choice in all of that?

Then... that meld. Spock agreeing to basically what boiled down to a cuddle between the three of them. Waking up with their hands touching. No, not just touching. He hadn't realized until several miles from the cabin that his hand was sore. They had been clutching. The red-golden thread that had stretched between himself and Spock.

He found himself wondering if something like that was between himself and Bones, and Bones and Spock.

Kirk stopped by the private cabin he shared with Bones only long enough to write his lover a note and look in on him. He wanted to slip into bed there, fall asleep against the other and let the worry stop for a while, but felt entirely too restless.

The dawn found him out on one of the beaches. He was sitting in his pants, shoes off and back by the cycle, sitting in the surf as it rolled in. His knees were pulled up and he was leaning back on his palms.

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Private Communication to James Kirk (other)

Soon as you're awake, feel free to come find me. My global position's attached.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Actually, he knows what we've been up to." Kirk laughed, looking over to Jim, "Doesn't seem to bother him. I do plan to talk to him, though." If he can't take it... I'm not sure what I'm gonna do. The thought flickered through his head and was forced away a second later.

He turned suddenly, brows raising, "Unless you don't like beach make-up sex." Obviously a tease. "Or you're going to run off on me again."

"Oh no, I love beach make-up sex," Jim said earnestly, as if this was a question he'd addressed before. "But I think it's your turn to run off; I'm not planning on that again. I didn't like the first two times I did it."

Despite his flippant tone, he wanted to allow Jim an out. A chance to say he needed to go back to Bones. He didn't want to be in the position he'd put Jim in, after all.

For a long moment, Kirk just looked... confused. Then finally he said, ".. I don't get it. I don't feel guilty about it. But... it's like... everyone else wants me to?" He sounded as confused as he looked.

He didn't feel guilty about having sex. Sex was fun, sex was orgasmic, everyone enjoyed it, went their separate ways.

But everyone seemed to feel so stupidly guilty about it.

Was there something wrong with him that he didn't?

Jim's eyes widened. "Me too," he said. "That's what I was saying: I didn't feel guilty about the sex, but I felt guilty that I hadn't thought about it at all and knew that I was supposed to. I couldn't understand why Spock might be hurt, but I knew it was theoretically possible."

He chuckled.

"Turns out he was even more confused than I was when I told him I'd curbed my natural instincts."

"...supposed to." Kirk looked down, frowning, thinking about it. "Am I supposed to feel guilty? Bones knows I sleep around. He always has. Why.. Why..." His voice trickled off, and he slumped a little. "Why is this so fucking complicated? It's just sex."

Jim turned a look of pure boyish adoration on the other Jim. In this moment, he felt very close to him.

"Exactly," he said. "I mean, not that it doesn't mean anything. Sex means a lot to me. With everyone." He wasn't sure if this was true for Kirk, or if Kirk would see it the same way even if it was, but still.

"Look. Talk to him. I'm sure Bones knows all about you, and loves you anyway. And knows how you feel, and how that has nothing to do with sex. Well, almost nothing. The only reason I can see to feel guilty is if you're hurting someone. I thought I was, and I wasn't. Hence the confusion. And that not-knowing made me hurt other people. So it's better just to get it out in the open, where you can make choices. You find someone who can handle you without getting hurt."

"Does mean a lot to me, but I don't think the same... kind of mean. I wanna have sex, make sure the other enjoys themselves, and leaves happy. It's... different, a little, with Bones." Kirk just didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do about this.

He sighed a little, then offered a faint smile, "How about this. I'll talk to Bones, you keep your schedule open?" He tilted his head towards Jim, smiling warmly.

Jim didn't push him about Bones. He knew it was different, anyone with eyes did, but that didn't mean he or anyone else could or should dictate what that meant. They'd have to figure it out on their own.

"I will," he said. "I know someone else who would gladly keep his open as well, if you're interested." He didn't know anything about that dream being shared, only Spock's reaction to what he'd told him. "And Jim... just because it's different with Bones doesn't mean it has to conform to someone else's standards. In case you're worried. It's still you."

That 'someone else' didn't take much of a guess. That was still a strange but far from unwelcomed thought. Kirk laughed just a little, but nodded, "I'd like that." The idea of them both... hell. His body loved the idea and so did the image in his mind.

"...Just need to figure out what we are." Kirk murmured, then reached over and grabbed the front of Jim's shirt. He smirked, just a little, and pulled him into a brief but heated kiss. "Thanks." He whispered against the other's lips, then stood up and was dripping as he went for the cycle.

Jim had a feeling they'd all like that. He had a feeling sex would never be the same after this trip. Why couldn't his other trans-dimensional mishaps be this good?

He returned the kiss happily, glad to be forgiven, glad to be back in Jim's good graces. Hey, he was a Kirk, and Jim himself was susceptible.

"Thank you," he smirked after him appreciatively.

He hoped the kid would be all right. He and Bones would work it out.

[Beach, Risa] -- [Kirk and Kirk]

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