[Out of Time, Out of Body] -- [Kirk and Kirk]

[kirktastic]

There is a certain moment that people take, where they close their eyes and take a slow, deep breath inwards. For that moment, right at the very peak of the breath, the world around vanishes, thoughts disappear, and the body seems to almost float. Try it. Slow, deep breath with the eyes closed.

Each breath was slow, deep, measured. It filled the lungs, as loud as the rush of the ocean on the beach. Underneath it all was the same slow, deep, measured toll of each heartbeat.

It was on the peak of one of those breaths that his eyes opened. White light spilled between his eyelids, then the world became fuzzy colors, then fuzzy outlines, then solid ones. He was staring at a ceiling. So he remained there, time unknown and unmeasured, staring. It was better then the darkness, at any rate.

Sickbay? Looked like the ceiling, at least. The picture of sickbay built in his mind as he heard the biobed's continuous digital beat, the sound of someone murmuring in the distance, the smell of antiseptic, the hum of something mechanical around him.

So, naturally, he sat up. He took a slow look around him, feeling strangely distant from everything, even himself. Bedsheets covered him, there was something glowing slowly around him, and yes, definitely in sickbay.

It should have been very strange to look back down at himself as he stood up, yet there was nothing. No panic, no terror, just a strange divorced feeling. Kirk shifted away, looking at himself, then finally away. His body still beat, still breathed, wouldn't miss him for now. Why was his skin bright pink like that?

He stepped away, unable to feel the cold floor under his bare feet.

Comments

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Like the meld but not, like sex but not, this was something else entirely. Mingling, almost unconsciously, the memories they'd shared earlier flowing through and around them, combined with flashes of skin and lips and shared sensation. No barriers now. Jim didn't know exactly what it meant, would mean. He didn't want to be Kirk. Didn't want his life. But they could share this, here, not a permanent reunion but in its own way a culmination of the putting-back-together they'd been urged to from first meeting. Like magnets, they had circled, sliding against one another time and again.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Jim had no desire to be Kirk, and Kirk had none in return. He liked being himself, but wanted a part of Jim to be with him forever. It complimented the memories in his mind, filling in empty spaces that had bothered him - like a vid missing its beginning and ending, a novel with pages ripped out - and now he was finding those pieces.

They were one. Just for those moments, meant to be together, linked by the universe.

Thank you.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Joy enfolded Them, the color of Jim's laughter, of Kirk's smile. Gaining strength from the possibilities They represented, happy to shore up the places They were missing.

And then the feeling receded, the force of their respective personalities too much to remain mingled, and Kirk was in Jim's arms once more.

Always.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Always.

And with a simple thought, they were there again, on the ship. Kirk lifted his head and looked around, blinking. I wanted to find Bones...

There he was, asleep in a chair, leaning against the bed. The image made him smile.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

He was ready.

Jim's "plans," throughout this, had been more and less than conscious. He merely knew. Perhaps it was his dream-self's interpretation of the link between them, an effort to be what Kirk needed or wanted. And now it was time to bring him back. They were both needed.

You need to wake up, Jim. Jim's voice was quiet, firm. It's going to hurt. But you will be alive, and with Bones, and me, and your ship.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

...I am awake. Kirk looked silently to Jim, blinking. We are here. His voice sounded almost dreamy, distant. I can feel him.

He moved closer to Bones, brushing fingertips over the dark brow.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim shook his head.

No, Jim. His voice held a tinge of regret, that he had to do this. He's not here. We're dreaming. Do you understand? You cannot touch him. He cannot see you. Don't be alarmed.

Jim turned Kirk slightly, to face the bed.

That's you. He pointed across the room. Me. We're going to be okay. But you need to wake up. Let Bones know.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk just looked... confused. The childish delight was gone. He looked at Jim, a sort of look of sorrow in his eyes. I don't understand. I'm here, talking to you. I can touch him... he must know it's me. He is asleep...

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim felt his own joy plummet. Jim. He's asleep at your side. Waiting for you to wake up. Remember.

He motioned again to the bed where Kirk lay.

We can't stay here. It is safe, but... not forever. We need to wake up, Jim. Need to return to our lives.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Wake up. Waking up...

His fingers came up to the side of his head, gripping at his hair. I can't.. wake up. This will all vanish if I do..! The world started to crack at its edges.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Shh.

Jim's arms encircled Kirk from behind, folding him against him.

No. Not gone. Never. The ship is still here. All of it. All that you showed me--you have to wake up, to take care of her. Of them. I'll be there. Bones will be there. And this... this thing we have, that we've shared... that's inside us. Always.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Consciousness was threatening, something Kirk's mind didn't want. He shook in Jim's grasp, not believing, not wanting it. He stared at Bones, asleep there, his body wavering like the view through the heated air over the sidewalk in summer.

I... I can't... let them... not be protected.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim. He said his name again, like talking to himself, but this self was trembling in his arms and Jim needed to stop it. It's not easy. It never is. But we don't want easy. We've never sought it. They need you. I need you.

I'll be there. We're still connected. Draw on me. And go to them, tell them you're still Jim Kirk. And remember this. Me. Us. Remember what we are.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

It was like speaking with his own conscience, listening to its encouragements. Still Jim Kirk. He had to leave this, and wake up, and possibly lose this because he never took the easy route.

You're right. He finally said, quietly. You'll be there, right?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim smiled, knowing Kirk would feel it.

Yes. I'll be there.

He turned Kirk around, placing his hand flat against Kirk's chest.

And here.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

...Then I can wake up. Kirk brought up a hand and grinned slowly as he squeezed Jim's hand. He ignored the fear that told him he was going into the darkness again and might wake up still there, still trapped.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

He squeezed back.

Yes. Find me, when you need to.

It would be hard. Jim knew that. But he knew Kirk would languish here, lost in his own mind.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Kirk stepped forward, just a little, then frowned. I don't know how to get back. I'm not sure how I got here.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim laughed gently. He didn't, either.

I remember we got up. Try laying back down. And... telling yourself to wake up.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Well, it made sense. Kirk slowly walked over to his body and reached down, pressing his hand to it. He shuddered as it felt like his body wanted to draw him him. ..Good night, Jim.

He closed his eyes and sunk back down into his own body, and the more intimate feeling of being connected faded.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Strange.

As the connection faded, so did the world. Or rather, Jim felt himself being sucked back into his own body, not unpleasantly or swiftly or slowly or anything at all. Just... reclaimed.

When he woke (http://dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com/25780.html?thread=530100#t530100), the connection was still there, but muted. And he remembered, mostly, that feeling of union.

[kirktastic.livejournal.com]

Slowly, he opened his eyes. (http://dctr-mccoy.livejournal.com/26609.html)